Don't Be One of Those Fucking Guys

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Growing up I had a piece a shit for a father.  I wont go into why because that’s not purpose of this article. just know that in my 20s we became best friends before he died at the age of 62.  

In my younger years my old man never sat down with me to build a pinewood derby car, or took me fishing on the weekends,, but he did teach me something that all too many fathers don't teach their sons these days.  As he put it, he taught me to “Don’t be that fucking guy”.  This phrase had many meanings to it. 

The first time I was told this was being dropped off in elementary school and my dad saying, “Hey, you ever see anyone getting picked on or teased whose weaker than the other guys, you better defend the weak and kick the shit out of the other guys, and if the other guys can beat the shit out you, you still give it your best shot, the biggest pussys are the ones that do nothing. My son will not be one of those fucking guys. You got it?

Another memorable time was on my way to school after which I was going to my first after school dance in Junior High.  He grabbed me by the arm on my way out the door and said, “I don’t care if the heaviest, homeliest, most unpopular girl in the entire school asks you to dance, you smile big and you say absolutely and you make her feel like your proud to dance with her because my son isn’t going to be that fucking guy who that poor girl remembers the rest of life as a bad fucking memory, your got it? 

Finally before he died, he hated my aunt, I mean hated this woman for reasons God only knows.  She was poor and lived in a dingy apartment with run down furniture.  One Saturday he yells at me to come with him. He had already arranged somehow to have her out of her apartment for a couple of hours.  We got a moving van, went to her apartment and loaded up all of her old furniture and threw it away.  We then went to the furniture store and bought brand new furniture and replaced it in her apartment before she got home.  Before we left he said, “I may not like the woman, but I cant stand seeing her live this way. We are not those kind of fucking guys”

I hope I have made him proud.

Comments

MJ Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:18am
Greg, seems to me you had an awesome Father who turned you into an independent sensitive thinker, with lots of integrity----you don`t need anything else and you will never be" that f.... guy!
Ari Silverstein Added Feb 16, 2017 - 9:14am
I’m very sorry for your loss.  While I wouldn’t dismiss the importance of father and son time like fishing, your three brief stories about your father prove sometimes the best lessons in life can be learned from a few memorable words/actions of wisdom. 
Stone-Eater Friedli afronum Added Feb 16, 2017 - 4:27pm
Wow. Some father there. Wish I had had one like him :-)
George N Romey Added Feb 16, 2017 - 4:48pm
What a hero.  I'm sorry for your loss but take comfort in the fact you had such a great man in your life.  Sadly they seem to be few and far in between.
Donna Added Feb 16, 2017 - 4:49pm
your dad taught you lessons in humanity..sounds like a tough man, but seems like his heart was bigger than he would let on. Sorry for your loss..
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:10pm
MJ- Thanks as always for your kind input.  I thank God he died with us being best friends.
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:13pm
Stone- There were a lot of ass beatings in between. Luckily bruises heal and its the verbal lessons that stuck with me.
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:19pm
George- You are correct.  It seems today that lessons of protecting those who cant themselves are lost.  As I have always taught my daughters, "The most important question youre going to have to answer when standing at the gates of Heaven is,,, How did your life impact the lives of others"?
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:21pm
Donna- He never wanted anyone to see that his heart was bigger than his fist
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:23pm
Ari- Fishing would have been nice, but I cant pass down a fish a caught when I was 12 to my kids.   Good point
George N Romey Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:28pm
Greg I didn't have a good relationship with my father growing up by I understand him more now than ever. He grew up in the Depression and then went onto be drafted in WW2.  Those experiences early on put him a permanent state of fear but one covered up with a too tough exterior.  I know now that it was mostly an act.
 
He died in 2003.  I am glad he has not seen this country turn into what it has-solely for the elites.  Growing up while we were upper middle class he had a pure disdain for "elites." Now I know why.  What he fought for has been pissed away by the Goldman Sachs crowd.  He told me after graduating college never trust a man in an expensive suit, he will screw you every time.  Yes my father certainly got that one right.
 
He was a plant engineer with several hundred men under him.  If he had been told to fire some of them to beef up profits he would have told his boss to go to hell.  Under it all he was a noble man. 
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 7:46pm
George- To be able to remember your father as being a noble man is a true blessing in so many ways. More than we perhaps even know.
George N Romey Added Feb 16, 2017 - 8:10pm
Greg if I had listened to my father I would probably be in a better place.  He warned me that rich people with their fancy degrees and family money would screw me, and that they did.  Early on in my life I thought about just being a truck driver.  I should have followed that path. 
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 9:42pm
Lichino- Thank you and thank you for your reply.  That's a tough age to lose your father
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 9:43pm
Sorry Luchino. Not Lichino
Greg Frehner Added Feb 16, 2017 - 9:46pm
George- My father had a crude saying for those people,,,, he said "Anyone who thinks their gettin away with fuckin someone always forgets their ass is in the air".  
Greg Frehner Added Feb 17, 2017 - 4:52pm
Henri- Thank you for your reply and input. My father was rough as hell but no matter what the situation I knew I could go to him for advice,  He started giving me GAM advice at about the age of 8
Mark Klaers Added Feb 17, 2017 - 5:40pm
Like they say on "Jesse Stone" all the time..."Dad's are important." 
I was always busy with friends or out in the woods, so I never really inter-acted a great deal with my father. Other than dinner and church, there wasn't much contact. 
When I bacame a surveyor at a construction company we had more in common. Then joining the reserves brought together further. 
I now make time twice a week to have lunch and dinner with him, and four or five times a year my family takes him fishing. 
Thankfully, my son has bonded with him and they have a good time when together. I never got to meet either of my grandfathers, so I'm greatful he has this experience.
Mark Hunter Added Feb 18, 2017 - 3:36am
That's some amazing, awesome advice.
MJ Added Feb 18, 2017 - 10:00am
Greg, I know about difficult Fathers!  My Father used to be a teacher/principal before he became a farmer.
What I learned from him was to "never do business with family or friends," and "never buy a secondhand car" and when you go away, "count your luggage"!
Thanks for the article and letting us all pay tribute to our Fathers!
MJ Added Feb 18, 2017 - 10:05am
Oh and the most important one, he told my brothers,   that when a man is unfaithful to his wife he starts losing his finances--not talking about money lost through the divorce itself!
Pamalien TW Added Mar 22, 2017 - 4:37pm
Not every person is the same person every day...
 
The verbal lessons are good...
 
Except for the part where the threw out all your aunt's stuff without consulting her. Replacing it or not, he didn't live there, had no idea what items were significant for her and, didn't care if she was hurt by his actions.
That's about control... which I imagine your beatings had some connection...