Welcome to Ms. Johnson’s kindergarten class. Before we begin teaching you the irrelevant stuff like letters, numbers, colors and shapes, we have some important lessons for you. Are any of your parents pressing you to be of a gender identity that you are not comfortable with? Let us know and we will have them arrested for cruelty. The first three weeks of kindergarten we will be exploring what gender preference you choose to occupy. You may be male, female, transsexual or agender, which is: “Someone who calls themselves agender have no gender identity” (genderless.) Good to know in kindergarten, don’t you think? We do.
We want to do just a quick review of the rules before we go any further. There will not be any punishment for bad behavior or the using of foul language, because how you behave on the street is fine with us in the classroom. Feel free to treat your fellow students as well as the faculty with the appropriate disrespect and violence if necessary. We feel sorry for you, and you can take those feelings of sorrow all the way up to fighting with your fellow students; we will understand if you fight, we know it is just something that you do and we feel your pain. You will learn that punishment will be minimal, and that we view violence against your fellow classmates as an expression of your frustration. We will concentrate on teaching you enough words so that you can read the rules posted on the wall of the prison.
The second week we will help you determine who you wish to have sex with. You can be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or, again, asexual. Your sexual preferences will not be judged or commented on, and you will be free to be whatever you want to be, because that is important in school. Week three will be the lessons in microaggression. We will concentrate on and develop your abilities to spot anyone making the smallest of slights that could be construed as a slight to you regarding your sexual identity, preference, ethnicity, or intellectual standing. Just so you understand, microaggression cannot be done against you by a member of your own ethnicity, sexual preference, or gender identity. The attorneys will be instructing during the second half of that week and they will inform you as to how to successfully file the lawsuits and the key words to make sure that you heard, whether or not you really did. The ability to recognize microaggression is very important. Along with the coursework on microaggression there will be a short identity politics lesson, where you learn that you should vote for people of your sex, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation despite their qualifications. Anyone who meets your sex, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation qualifications is the person for whom you should vote; competency, education and experience are irrelevant when they’re “one of you.”
After we establish your gender identity and sexual preferences, on week four, we will concentrate on your ethnicity. If you are from a white European background, we will teach you to be ashamed by how people you never met and have never had any even remote contact were treated and that you are supposed to feel guilty about things that happened centuries ago. Please let us know if your parents are taking you involuntarily to church and we will have them arrested.
In week number five, we will concentrate on cultures with “oral tradition” meaning that cultures and societies that pass things down orally and have not advanced any further than arrows and spears and their importance in the global economy. We will also examine why the white Europeans are supposed to feel guilty for this, despite all of the efforts to vaccinate these people and teach them how to farm, none of the things that they wish to do because it will destroy their “culture.” We must respect their cultural rights to starve to death, and accept the guilt that comes when they die, because it is our fault.
Week six will be a short week, where we celebrate Thanksgiving, that holiday started by evil white men who took over the Native American lands. After we get back from Thanksgiving break we will explore and celebrate Kwanzaa until Christmas break. After Christmas break we will learn to hold pencils and pens in any manner that you find comfortable. Writing on paper is no longer a required skill, as there will be computers or processing devices everywhere in the future.
Beginning in the new year, we will start vocabulary. We will teach you that the F-bomb is an OK word if it is used in an artistic context, like as in: “F* that F*ing whore, I’ll bust a cap in her A*.” Artistic liberties are needed as the artistic context for the artist to truly express themselves. The limiting of artistic expression is just more of the oppression that the underserved have faced all of their lives. The other words you will need to know will be in the following paragraphs, and our thanks to Dr. Zuleyka Zevallos, “an applied sociologist of Latin-Australian background.” Those uncaring, inconsiderate, insensitive people of the prior generations didn’t have the politically correct terms, so we have to make up a bunch more; after all, the educational institutions are paying us thousands of dollars, and we certainly couldn’t be expected to dream up anything useful for the economy, we’re far better off picking on the culture that gave us the freedom and lifestyle that we enjoy. The following information, with comments of my own, are from the posting by Dr. Zuleyka Zevallos.
Cis-gender: “Cis-gender describes people whose biological body they were born into matches their personal gender identity.” We couldn’t just use boy and girl now could we?
Intersexuality: “Intersexuality describes variations on sex definitions related to ambiguous genitalia, gonads, sex organs, chromosomes or hormones. Transgender and intersexuality are gender categories, not sexualities. Transgender and intersexual people have varied sexual practices, attractions and identities as do cis-gender people.”
I swear this is used, quoted in full, by Dr. Zevallos: “People can also choose to be gender queer, by either drawing on several gender positions or otherwise not identifying with any specific gender (nonbinary); or they may choose to move across genders (gender fluid); or they may reject gender categories altogether (agender).” Don’t write me and tell me I used the word queer, it is cited by Dr. Zevallos.
Apparently, there are conflicts within masculinity (who knew?) with:” Similarly, counter-hegemonic masculinities signify a contest of power between different types of masculinities,” and I swear I am not making this up. Of course, women do not create any conflicts, because: “As women do not have cultural power, there is no version of hegemonic femininity to rival hegemonic masculinity.” Good to know, Dr. Zevallos. But let’s not be too hasty on letting women off the hook: “Leaning in” is a limited way of overcoming gender inequality only if you’re a White woman already thriving in the corporate world, by fitting in with the existing gender order.” No typos on my part, that is a direct quote. I hope you understand the politically-correct educational system and how it will benefit your child. Good luck in the future, you’ll be needing it.