The Big Game

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Today is the much-anticipated soccer match between the US and Mexico.  It is a chance once again for Mexico to prove that it is a world power.  Earlier this year, Mexico defeated the American team by tricking it into forming a unity wall.  The Mexicans were able to sneak across at will.  Trump tweeted, "We let them win.  We have a great team, really, really great. Really great and I am going to make it even greater.  Nobody will be able to beat us like under Obama."

Trump signed an executive order early this week ordering the US soccer team to construct a wall around the goal to prevent the Mexican team from scoring.  Trump tweeted, "We will not be tricked into building a unity wall this time.  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on Comey."    Clinton held a press conference saying that the wall is nothing more than "a big, fat nothing burger."  The Mexican president shot back on Twitter, "Since when has a wall ever stopped Mexicans?"  Almost immediately, a lawsuit was filed in the ninth circuit seeking to bar the building of the wall on the grounds that it sole intent was to prevent Mexicans from scoring and was therefore discriminatory.  As luck would have it, Judge Robart heard the case and has blocked the executive order on the grounds that Trump called Mexicans "bad hombres" during his campaign for the presidency.

Shortly after the Clinton press conference, it was revealed that Clinton was under another FBI matter for accepted $100 million dollars from the Mexican soccer team prior to the election.  Clinton allegedly agreed to replace the American team with the Mexican team once elected.  When a reporter queried Clinton, she reportedly snapped, "At this point, what does it matter.  I lost the election because of the Mexican soccer team.  If they had been in the US at election time and voted rather than gallivanting all over the world playing soccer, I would have won.  The matter is one big nothing taco."  The new FBI Director is expected to matter the charge against Clinton.

Tensions eased a bit when the Mexican president promised to limit the hanging of headless effigies to Trump, much to the relief of Vice President Pence.  However, he refused to rescind the invitation to Kathy Griffin to perform at half-time.  Also, Mexican fans will be limited to throwing one bag of urine each at the American players.  The Mexican people have protested this rule because it violates their Constitutional rights.  Trump tweeted, "They have no rights" and promised to send ICE agents to arrest all illegals.  After being reminded that Mexico was a sovereign country and he could not do that, Trump responded with another tweet, "I'll do it and I'll make them pay for it.  Just watch me.  It's going to be one big Mexican burger."  Mexican drug gangs threatened the American players saying it will decapitate them and hang them from bridges.  Trump is demanding that Kathy Griffen be barred from Mexico.

Mexicans will crowd the bars to watch the game today.  It is their best chance to show that they are superior to those American gringos after being repeatedly insulted by the American president, Donald Trump.  Several more headless bodies were found hanging from bridges the next morning, coincidental to several students gone missing.

In addition to Kathy Griffin's performance at half-time, it will feature a pinata in the shape of the US where Mexican fans will have a chance to beat the hell out of it until it breaks.  After protests from Elizabeth Warren and Nancy Pelosi and Bernie Sanders, the American left was also invited to participate.

Obama also weighed in on the games.  He was quoted as saying, "If the Americans win, it will be because of climate change, causing the Mexican team to take an extra long siesta."  Concerning Trump's threat to send ICE agents to the game, Obama responded, "If they want to keep their players, they can keep their players."  The Mexican team went into hiding.

An emergency ruling is expected today from the Supreme Court.  Lawyers for Trump's Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, are expected to argue that the ban should be lifted because the order did not mention Mexico.  The plaintiffs are expected to argue that since the game is being played in Mexico, it's intent was to deny Mexicans their constitutional rights.

One Mexican fan had this to say.  "I hope Mexico loses.  If Mexico wins, Trump will make it more difficult for my family to enter Mexico whenever it wants.  I won't be able to vote.  We will lose our benefits.  I will lose my job.  My wife is pregnant again, and I am very worried."

Former FBI Director, James Comey, chimed in claiming that President Trump ordered him to end the investigation of his staff over alleged ties to Mexican politicians to throw the game in favor of the Americans for which it is rumored that Trump agreed not to build the wall if the American team won.  Comey allegedly leaked classified notes to a colleague.  The contents are expected to be leaked to the press any moment now.  Stay tuned for further developments.  Senator John McCain awoke claiming the Russians did it, to which Putin replied, "My sources tell me that McCain has been senile for the last 30 years."  McCain was quick to respond that Boris Yeltsin didn't know what he was talking about.  When asked about Trump's comments, McCain seemed confused.  Pelosi reminded him that George Bush was the current US president.

Comments

Leroy Added Jun 11, 2017 - 12:01pm
You're right, Expat.  The Greatest Show on Earth is right there in Washington, DC.
Leroy Added Jun 11, 2017 - 3:01pm
Yeah, a lot of Americans are retiring there today.  They say you can live decently on $1,500/Month.  If Trump can't turn it around, we may be recruiting south of the border for them to bring their retirement money to the US.  They might have to keep us Southerners out too :)
Jenifer Frost Added Jun 11, 2017 - 7:01pm
Excellent humor Leroy, my favorite line was "My sources tell me that McCain has been senile for the last 30 years." Of course anyone who heard McCain's actual statements on the floor of Congress Friday would have to agree. 
 
I just had an idea, maybe Trump can fix Global Warming by sending in enough ICE agents. Because, you know, the cold and all :-) 
George N Romey Added Jun 11, 2017 - 7:03pm
Leroy loved the story.  At that rate the US is going soon its going to be the Mexicans complaining about all the Americans coming across the desert. 
Leroy Added Jun 11, 2017 - 8:06pm
Thanks, Priestess.  McCain is losing it.  We should change the name of Congress to the Geriatric Club.  And Trump isn't bringing down the average.
 
I suppose it depends on whether he sends the H2O ICE or the Dry ICE.
Leroy Added Jun 11, 2017 - 8:07pm
Thanks, George.  Let's just hope the current administration can turn things around.  It's our last chance.
Micahel Dolan Added Jun 11, 2017 - 11:22pm
a second wall is a must. Mr. President build another Wall to protect we the people from our entire government leaders and all those liars sitting in the office of the IRS. As our president would say-----------
                #COVFEFE TO ALL. And good night.                               
Even A Broken Clock Added Jun 11, 2017 - 11:38pm
Leroy, I'll bet it all just becomes a big draw.
 
Seriously, an extremely funny piece. Is there anyone you didn't skewer? I may try satire, you seem to be a master.
Jeff Jackson Added Jun 12, 2017 - 1:08am
Nice article Leroy. My fear is that Team Mexico might try the "nuclear option" in the next game. The only problem is that, well, the Mexicans aren't really  known for their engineering skills, now are they?
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 8:15am
Expat, I looked up the average age of Congress.  The average age of a Representative if 57 and a Senator, 61.  It gets worse.  The average age of the Democratic House leadership is 72 versus 48 for the Republicans.  You might justify this by saying America is growing older.  Consider that the average member of Congress is 20 years older than the average age of the people they represent.
 
Over half the member of Congress up for reelection will be over 65 years old.
 
We are ruled by a geriatricrazy.
 
 
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 8:18am
Micahel, rather than another wall, why don't we just remove them?
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 8:24am
Thanks, EABC.  You're right.  It was a big draw.  Let's hope the next one is more than just a draw and we see an actual shootout.  Soccer is so boring.
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 8:30am
Thanks, Jeff.  Maybe Mexico can borrow a few players from North Korea and the US can borrow from the South.  The US would be sure to lose, however, with the Chinese on their side.   However, the UN might come to the rescue and declare a DMZ in the middle of the field and the game would go on forever.
 
Maybe they are not known for their engineering skills but they make up for it with their creativity.
Dino Manalis Added Jun 12, 2017 - 8:37am
Good game, a 1-1 tie!  Equally competitive!
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 9:13am
Oh, Dino!  How could you say such a thing?  Soccer is so boring.  Playing to a tie, like they say, is like kissing your sister.  You put a whole lot into it but get nothing out of it.  Maybe that is why the Europeans like it so much.  It seems to be a game designed for the French where they can shoot with their hands up.  There is no organization.  It's just a bunch of people running around the field and falling to the ground and injuring themselves anytime someone gets within three feet of them.  It is more akin to acting than sport.
 
I think we should discuss how to improve the game.  One way would be the increase the scoring.  It would bring more excitement to the game.  Let's make the net wider.  Eject any player who falls to the ground feigning injury.  That would get rid of all the sissies.  Running set plays would bring strategy to the game.
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 9:32am
Angela Merkel was in Mexico and gave her thoughts on building the wall to prevent the Mexican team from scoring.  "Cutting the Mexicans off," she said, "won't accomplish the goal.  Better access to the goal is the solution."  She went on to cite the Great Wall of China and the Roman Empire as lessons we should learn.   The Great Empire of China fell to the Machurians when a Chinese general let them in.  So much for access.  And, we all know the fate of the Roman Empire was set when it started accommodating the foreign invaders.  She left us with these sagacious words, "Victory is failure.  Failure is Victory."  She went on to call for the removal of the goalie, but only on the American side.
Christian Peschken Added Jun 12, 2017 - 11:56am
You lost me when you wrote "much-anticipated soccer."  but maybe there are some non/Americans interested in reading further.
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 12:34pm
Christian, if you think the article is about soccer, may I suggest that you read further.
William Stockton Added Jun 12, 2017 - 3:21pm
Cool Leroy.
 
Progressivism just ran off with the rule book.  Now the hooligan fans are rioting and beating the shit out of each other.  Fun game!
Eileen de Bruin Added Jun 12, 2017 - 3:59pm
Hee hee hee Leroy, very good indeed. And so apt. On the other side of the pond a parallel is going on but it is a game of ping pong but with only one player on one side of the table and at least ten on the other side. The May player is shooting any which way and then having to run every which way to return. Like Trump's strategy erm manouvres erm reactionary kicks, the world order and your football fans are bewildered. If Trump built his wall around himself and Mrs. May would that help us all?
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 5:25pm
Thanks, William.  It's like my nephew.  If he can't win, he changes the rules of the game.
Leroy Added Jun 12, 2017 - 5:29pm
Thanks, Eileen.  Looks like Mrs. May didn't build the wall high enough.  How silly our politicians are!   At least they are good for a few laughs as we go down the tube.
Patrick Writes Added Jun 13, 2017 - 1:23am
Funny stuff. 
 
"...a lawsuit was filed in the ninth circuit seeking to bar the building of the wall on the grounds that it sole intent was to prevent Mexicans from scoring and was therefore discriminatory."
Leroy Added Jun 13, 2017 - 6:42am
Thanks, Patrick.
Carole McKee Added Jun 13, 2017 - 4:24pm
Lots of Americans are choosing to retire, not only in Mexico, but places like Ecuador, Costa Rica, and Panama. In Ecuador, a person can live very well on $1200 a month. My brother is packing up and moving there this year. Mow I ask: Why would anyone want to leave the greatest country on earth and go live somewhere in a 3rd world country? Is it because we are no longer the greatest country in the world? 
 
According to my brother, Ecuador is so appealing because the GREED hasn't hit there yet. He's made three trips there and loves it more each time he goes. I agree with EXPAT and LEROY. The greatest show on earth is right in Washington. Every time any news comes out of the D.C. area, it's a disgusting joke.
Leroy Added Jun 13, 2017 - 7:44pm
Carole, I don't think people are leaving because they don't like the US.  Most are just trying to live better on the money they have. It is just too expensive in the US.
 
A lot of retirees from the North retire in the South for the same reason.  They live larger.
 
I would join Expat in Thailand, if I could convince my wife.
Carole McKee Added Jun 14, 2017 - 11:29am
I know that's the reason, Leroy. It's the money. We have so much more than any of those countries, but it costs us. Many of us have had to dissolve our retirement funds early because of circumstances, forcing us to live on our social security checks alone. I'm one of those people. I had to use my retirement fund to try to save my son's life when he came down with a rare bone marrow disease. 
 
I moved from Pennsylvania to Florida 15 years ago. I don't have high heating bills in the winter, but my cooling bills in the summer make up for it. In the 15 years I have been here, costs have steadily gone up. 
 
But here is something I don't understand: My electric bill is high due to A/C. Now in Ecuador, the electric bills run about $40 a month, and if you are a senior citizen, you are only required to pay half of that. Now why, in a 3rd world country, can seniors get a break like that, but not in the United States? Is it just GREED? 
Eileen de Bruin Added Jun 14, 2017 - 2:56pm
It is the American way of life. A few can make it big, but that is all. The rest struggle to hold their lives together and are thankful if they can do that. This is the propagation of the American dream but it would take a huge shift in perspectives from all of you to raise the true issues about wealth distribution and quality of life. The UK is going your way, if it is not already there.
Leroy Added Jun 14, 2017 - 5:19pm
It comes down to taxes, healthcare, and labor.  You could probably throw insurance into there too.  In many foreign countries, these are cheap.
Leroy Added Jun 14, 2017 - 5:21pm
And, I should have mentioned transportation.  You typically don't require personal transportation and public transportation is cheap.
Leroy Added Jun 15, 2017 - 9:56am
Trump tweeted today, "The ref's were horrible, really really horrible.  We should have beat Mexico.  They were only able to cross the goal once, and that is because the ref's cheated.  We slowed them down to a trickle.  We will build a wall next time and Mexico will pay for it!" 
 
Later, he tweeted again, "I wish I could have been there.  I am a great soccer player, really great.  I would have scored 10 goals.  Unfortunately, I was too busy being president and fighting terrorist and all that stuff."  He complained that the Supreme Court never ruled on the wall.  The Supreme Court is expected to rule on the wall soon, even though the game is over.  Meanwhile, the ninth circuit continues to make laws up.
Carole McKee Added Jun 15, 2017 - 11:11am
Leroy, are these tweets for real, or are you making them up?
Leroy Added Jun 15, 2017 - 7:18pm
Thanks a good question, Carole. 
Carole McKee Added Jun 16, 2017 - 10:56am
Well? You should know if you made them up. I'm thinking, though...would he have said 'a great soccer player'? Or would he have said 'a fantastic soccer player'? And added, 'the best in the world.'
Leroy Added Jun 16, 2017 - 5:23pm
I think you are right, Carole.  Hope that answers your question.
Carole McKee Added Jun 17, 2017 - 11:58am
LOL...it does.

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