Do spouses have an obligation to provide their partners with sex on demand?

Lately we’ve seen a huge increase in the number of women who think married men should be held to the same standards as single men, when it comes to getting permission to have sex, right up to calling it rape if they don’t.  I have a different view, I think married partners have an obligation to provide each other with lots of things, including regular sex, unless something is very wrong.  I don’t think a spouse needs to ask, and I don’t think it’s right for a partner to say no just because they don’t feel like having sex at that time, or even because they no longer enjoy or want it.


Marriage includes many mutual obligations, “to death do us part”, usually including the presumption that a spouse will become the sole provider of sex for their partner.  It’s as important as taking care of them when they are sick, and if one spouse decides they no longer wish to continue fulfilling their partner’s need, they should strongly consider dissolving the marriage because it’s not the agreement they entered into.


Of course I realize there are exceptions, but in the vast majority I believe charging the abusive spouse with domestic abuse is much more appropriate than charging them with rape.  The fact that one spouse has physically abused another is a completely different crime than rape, and the two should never be confused.  Rape implies an unimaginable violation of a person’s intimate privacy, and that can’t occur in a consummated marital relationship.


Jeff Jackson Added Oct 27, 2017 - 12:19pm
Nice observations Riley, observations that I cannot make for obvious reasons. But perhaps what you are observing is more of a trend. What trend do you see here? Is it possible that men are going to be targets of the judicial system, now just on whims? Is society tilting to a path where women need to be made happy and men, well, they're just animals and should be treated like animals? Could it be that any behavior of men is to be questioned, while the behavior of women is, in the eyes of the law, virtuous in any situation? I wonder...
William Stockton Added Oct 27, 2017 - 12:29pm
Riley, I always appreciate your viewpoints.  You seem to be quite pragmatic for a progressive.  That's good.
"when it comes to getting permission to have sex, right up to calling it rape if they don’t."
If a man doesn't have "permission" with his wife to have sex . . . in what instances does that NOT mean rape? 
A wife doesn't have to verbally agree to have sex.  She can consent by mutually responding to mate.  The animals in the wild do this quite frequently (non-verbal agreement).  Perhaps you (or this movement) can clarify what you mean by "permission"?
Riley Brown Added Oct 27, 2017 - 1:55pm
Jeff, if lots of women who champion Women's Liberation have their way, husbands who don't take no for an answer will be charged with Rape because they don't think there is any significant difference between a stranger who and a woman's husband.
To them all unwanted sex that includes penetration is Rape and should be prosecuted as such.
Benjamin Goldstein Added Oct 27, 2017 - 2:10pm
Oh my gosh, this discussion was had in the Middle Ages. I rember that I have read something about it in "Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven - Catholic Church and Sexuality" by (first female Professor of Catholic theology) Uta Ranke-Heinemann
My opinion: Get yourselves nice partners!
Riley Brown Added Oct 27, 2017 - 2:13pm
William, I consider Rape to be one of the most hideous and demeaning crimes one person can perpetrate on another, and for many reasons that simply doesn't apply when the act takes place between two spouses.
Until recently Rape was forced sexual penetration on someone who the victim probably wouldn't have wanted to touch them, much less allow to see them naked, or be intimate with them in any way under any circumstances.  The best example is a mugger who overpowers a stranger and forces them to have sex.  The victim is traumatized by the violence, often hurt, sometimes unwillingly impregnated with the  baby they may or may not be able to morally make go away, and possibly even given a deadly disease like Aids, at the same time.  The act destroys their life.
Compare that with a spouse who would rather not, says not now, and gets overpowered.  They were never touched by someone they never wanted to be touched by, it's someone that they have had and will continue to have sex with so none of the trauma or violence is involved. 
It's not the same crime and that's all I'm saying in this forum.  Redefining it as Rape insults all real rape victims.
Henry Ortiz Added Oct 27, 2017 - 2:32pm
Marriage is covenant of love and respect. If I love and respect my wife I know that sometimes is “no” even though I really want to. I am not an animal I am a person who feels and thinks. 
If I noticed that my wife is negative frequently, I will worried. I will have a conversation with her to see what is wrong, and take the corrective actions to come to a normal relation again.
Dino Manalis Added Oct 27, 2017 - 4:33pm
I support monogamy, spouses should communicate and arouse each other.  They ought to express their feelings and overcome difficulties together.  She is his natural Viagra!
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 27, 2017 - 5:24pm
Sex as a weapon seems to be as popular as ever in the land of the formerly free. 
Riley Brown Added Oct 27, 2017 - 5:35pm
Henry, you havn't said anything that surprises me but then again this forum is about a spouse's obligation to provide things like sex to their partner, and whether forcing them to have sex with you should be in the same criminal category as violent Rape by strangers.
It doesn't sound like you've been there and I don't see an opinion in your comment.
Riley Brown Added Oct 27, 2017 - 5:43pm
Dino I believe you're describing most young marriages, when both partners are eager to please each other and wouldn't want to deny the other anything they could provide as long as it was not that hard to do.
Unfortunately as relationships mature and age, it's not uncommon for one partner to lose their desire for sex faster than their partner loses their desire.  When that happens it's not unusual for the sex hungry partner to want more than their partner and in most relationships the other partner feels it's their duty to provide it.  However some partners, usually but not always women, lose their desire and just want to be left alone.  If they had their way their husbands would just give up sex too.  I think they have an obligation to keep providing their spouse with sex as long as they want it.
Riley Brown Added Oct 27, 2017 - 5:44pm
Jeffrey, sex and often just the idea of sex is so prevalent in advertising that I don't see how anyone can claim it's not being used as a tool.
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 27, 2017 - 6:27pm
I'm talking about the weaponization of sex in DUHmerica. Like that depicted hilariously in the Wolf of Wall Street by Margot Robbie
Henry Ortiz Added Oct 27, 2017 - 11:31pm
Ok Riley, answering to the question, the answer is no, nobody is obligated to anything. It is true that marrying means among many things to have sex only with your spouse but not to be force to have sex.
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 28, 2017 - 12:47am
Henry seems to be quite the cuck.
Flying Junior Added Oct 28, 2017 - 3:21am
Well, okay...
What do the women have to say about this?
The Burghal Hidage Added Oct 28, 2017 - 4:33am
A very thought provoking topic, Riley. I always enjoy your thoughts.
I do understand the distinction that you are drawing between the familiar vs stranger.  While it is entirely possible for a woman to be "raped" by her spouse, in terms of the physical act, as a matter of law it would more properly be adjudicated under the broader statute of spousal abuse. The crime of rape, although involving sexual acts, is not a sexual act in and of itself. Rape is about will: the imposition of one and the violation of another. As there is a certain degree of surrender of the individual will implied in the marriage contract such occurrences between parties who are married, though no less disturbing, should not rise to the same level of criminality as say the mugger scenario you have described.
I am not certain that the word obliged is correct.  There is the expectation of the benefit to be had from a consensual partner, yet there is no recourse that I am aware of to compel the reluctant party to yield their will on an individual occasion. A prolonged refusal ( like an embargo) is certainly grounds for obtaining one's walking papers. Most marriages end up becoming a daily exercise of thwarted desire in one way or another. I for one do not commend it :)
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 28, 2017 - 5:03am
You don't get any pussy until I get a new kitchen she said. I was one hungry horny man for a while. Then I got back on the ship after vacation was finished and we stopped in Japan, Taiwan, Korea and Hong Kong. Did I mention we had a great Stewards department on that ship too? By the time I got home it had been seven months since she got sex. Bummer. Packed her up, got my house keys and car keys back and didn't give a rat's ass where she went. Next!
Riley Brown Added Oct 28, 2017 - 12:37pm
Henry, I do agree and know many divorced people, almost exclusively women, who think it's unfair that their spouse divorced them over that tiny detail.
They seem to think a promise of mutual accessibility was not part of their marriage, and their spouse did not agree.  Some went elsewhere to get their sex causing the divorce and some did the divorce thing first, but the end result seems pretty predictable from my point of view.
The day a spouse decides they no longer want to be their partner's source of sexual relief, is the day the marriage starts falling apart.
Riley Brown Added Oct 28, 2017 - 12:47pm
Jeffrey, not sure I want to know what DUHmerica means or has to do with this forum, but your reaction to a spouse that cut you off seems pretty typical from my experience.  Spouses that don't feel obligated to provide sex even when they would rather do other things are breaking breaking their commitment to their partner, and DESERVE the boot.
I find it amusing how many women angrily tell me their husbands cheated and don't think they bear any responsibility for cutting them off.  If you don't want your outdoor cat to eat at neighbors houses, feed them well at home.  The same applies to keeping your spouse satisfied.
"Till death do us part", implies a commitment and there are many physical reasons why parts of that commitment might not be able to be kept, but "I don't want to" is not one of them.
Riley Brown Added Oct 28, 2017 - 12:57pm
Burghale, unless otherwise stated right up front, providing mutual sexual accessibility is an obligatory expectation in marriage. 
Most couples practically crawl all over each other in the beginning, and its usually only later on that one of the other "CHANGES" and no longer wants sex as often, or sometimes at all. 
Marriage is about a lot of things and we all know people change over time, but if you go into a marriage as one thing, and then yank very important benefits out of the relationship, I call that bait and switch.
Oh but back to the forum, lots of people, mostly advocates for women's rights, want all men, including married men to have to ask for sex, and want married men who don't take NO seriously to be imprisoned for RAPE.  If they use violence to get sex I think domestic abuse is taking place, not Rape.
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 28, 2017 - 11:21pm
not sure I want to know what DUHmerica means or has to do with this forum, 
It is germain in that I no longer live there and9 9 have spent decades avoiding it like the plague.
DUHmerica in that, as you know, 99.825% of the population is dogshit stupid, ignorant illiterate uninformed and damned proud of it. 
Sinceyou started on WB I have appreciated that you are not in that category. Its very rare.
Thomas Napers Added Oct 29, 2017 - 2:26am
“Do spouses have an obligation to provide their partners with sex on demand?”
No.  Silly question if you asked me. 
“Lately we’ve seen a huge increase in the number of women who think married men should be held to the same standards as single men, when it comes to getting permission to have sex, right up to calling it rape if they don’t.”
I wasn’t aware there were different standards for single men and married men as it relates to sex. 
The Burghal Hidage Added Oct 29, 2017 - 4:35am
Riley -  seems we are in agreement. Those wild eyed harpies have obviously ignored the words uttered by the wisest woman who ever lived, which go something like this:  Men are like carpet. If laid properly you can walk on them for years!
Bill Kamps Added Oct 29, 2017 - 8:03am
Riley, agreed.  There are multiple things that are similar to rape but not rape.  A wife saying "not now" is not at all the same thing as a woman saying to a stranger, "no".  
Also not rape is when a guy who is 19 has consensual sex with a girl that is 17.  However, the law sees it differently, her father may see it differently, and if convicted the guy still goes on the sex crimes list which has a way of ruining people's lives. 
Riley Brown Added Oct 29, 2017 - 10:00am
Thomas, there aren't legal differences between men and women when it comes to sex but only someone who is horribly naive would not notice that men and women are completely different animals when it comes to lots of things, including sex.
I can't even guess how many men have gotten in trouble recently for forcing themselves on their female partners but am only currently aware of one who has been recently accused of Raping his male partner. 
Even if the nature of the acts, "forced sex" were as closely identical as possible given the physical differences between men and women, and our cultural upbringing the numbers would be different.  Our society is not quite ready for men to play the victim, even when they are.  Perhaps that's why men in heterosexual relationships rarely claim spousal abuse even when they do get beat up and would be even more unlikely to report a Rape by their female partner if it happened.
Riley Brown Added Oct 29, 2017 - 10:01am
Burghal, LOL
Riley Brown Added Oct 29, 2017 - 10:16am
Bill, I completely agree and find it disconcerting that a statutory rape in one part of the country can take place at an age that is withing the legal age of consent for marriage in another part of the country.
Statutory rape where the under age partner is willing and perhaps even the instigator, and perhaps has been sexually active with countless partners prior to that point, is not the kind of crime that I think should ruin an 18 year old boys life forever. 
In the part of the US where I live the relative age of thousands of children a year to their mothers proves beyond any doubt that under age sex has become very commonplace in many communities.
The numbers of their partners who are "caught" and imprisoned is tiny by comparison, suggesting a partner has to be very unlucky in addition to guilty, in order to catch the eye of the law and be prosecuted.
Tens of thousands of them are ignored even when listed on the birth certificate as the father, further suggesting we are at a point where calling it Rape and continuing to prosecute the few unlucky boys who do get caught and imprisoned, doesn't make much sense.
I knew one who was caught by her dad, hung his head in shame and did not fight back while he was convicted of Statutory Rape.  It ruined his life, and for all I could tell, his girlfriend wasn't harmed in any way. 
What he was really guilty of was having sex with his girlfriend and getting caught by the dad and from what I can tell possibly more guilty of not stopping dating a girl whose parents told him he wasn't good enough to be dating her in the first place.
Ari Silverstein Added Oct 29, 2017 - 10:08pm
If a woman is forced to have sex against her will, whether by a stranger or her husband, the crime is rape.  Abuse is a lesser crime and it would be unfair to a victim of rape to have the rapist treated less-harshly.  While I don’t understand it, I can appreciate your right to disagree.  I’m just happy the justice system is on my side as it relates to this topic. 
Ari Silverstein Added Oct 29, 2017 - 10:38pm
On a side note, why do you think it is that black people mostly write about matters relating to race, Jews mostly write about anti-Semitism, gays mostly write about sexual matters, etc. etc.  It’s like once someone identifies themselves in some minority group they have no ability to discuss issues that don’t relate specifically to that minority group.  This article being one more example of what I’m talking about. 
Flying Junior Added Oct 30, 2017 - 2:33am
We still haven't heard on this from the women.
The Burghal Hidage Added Oct 30, 2017 - 7:34am
hmmm....the silence is deafening
William Stockton Added Oct 30, 2017 - 10:57am
Riley, Until recently Rape was forced sexual penetration on someone who the victim probably wouldn't have wanted to touch them, much less allow to see them naked, or be intimate with them in any way under any circumstances.
Compare that with a spouse who would rather not, says not now, and gets overpowered.
Wow Riley.  This is NOT how the law defines rape.  Your definition sounds much like a statement by the cult-left as more gays and lesbians enter marriage contracts and now excuse this violent behavior.  Who, by God, in their right mind would overpower a mate sexually and think that is ok?
Marriage contracts to not grant anyone the right to abuse their partner sexually.  Not sure how you rationalize that one in good conscience.
Bill Kamps Added Oct 30, 2017 - 12:55pm
Riley, unfortunately the statutory rape charge usually only gets used when the parents of the girl get really pissed off, and too often that happens when the guy is black and the girl is white.  It is a law that is very unevenly  applied, which are the worst kinds of laws, because they usually only get used when someone is out to get another person for personal reasons. 
However, it not like the law should be done away with.  If  the guy  is 30 and the  girl is 13, then it is another matter.  This is where the judge should be using common sense, instead of piling on the poor kid just because her parents are pissed off, and maybe have some political pull.
Donna Added Oct 30, 2017 - 2:21pm

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.

In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may also take the following form:[5]

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Tell me where it states that any one man or woman will have sex until death do them part? 
Rape is rape. plain and simple. If you force yourself on anyone, man or woman, it is rape. One of the only things one should expect form any marriage in respect, and if you view that as meaning you may have your way at any time, you are one sick person.
That is only 1 example of wedding vows.There are many versions.
I would like to see a link that provides the info you state?
Jeff, if lots of women who champion Women's Liberation have their way, husbands who don't take no for an answer will be charged with Rape because they don't think there is any significant difference between a stranger who and a woman's husband.
 Prove it!
Lady Sekhmetnakt Added Oct 30, 2017 - 6:12pm
Cheers to Donna! Much agreed! Marriage doesn't remove free will. When you are stuck with a partner who thinks otherwise, that's why we have divorce. But rape is rape, period. 
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 31, 2017 - 11:31am
The flip side to my going to sea scenario is several of my friends have suffered divorce, alimony and child support because they are at sea six months a year and the wife ostensibly isn't getting any while he's away. 
Riley Brown Added Oct 31, 2017 - 9:47pm
William, our laws on Rape vary from state to state, and have changed quite a bit over the last generation, all are based on a woman's right to say no.
My forum has nothing to do with saying it's ok for one partner to abuse another, I'm just trying to separate a super horrendous crime, violent rape by people who don't have an intimate relationship with the victim, from a much less horrendous crime that think should fall under domestic abuse.
Have no false illusion, being charged with domestic violence is no cake walk, it can still invoke a felony conviction and prison time, but not put someone on the sexual predictor list for life and usually doesn't result in 20 year sentences.
Riley Brown Added Oct 31, 2017 - 9:50pm
Bill Kamps, most of the time police and judges do try to consider the relative ages but as our laws get tougher and tougher, it gets harder.  I know someone who didn't argue and the statutory rape he pleaded no contest to did ruin his life.  He was a year older than the girl.
Riley Brown Added Oct 31, 2017 - 9:59pm
Donna, I do hear partners, usually women, complaining bitterly about their cheating spouses a lot, and almost every time they talk about it, it becomes quite obvious they denied their partner sex when it was asked for. 
I don't think partners should force themselves on their spouses, but I do think if their spouses dump them after they cut them off, they shouldn't blame them, they broke their vows.
My advice, if your spouse quits caring enough about your happiness to indulge you, don't get pushy, just divorce them as fast as you can.  The love is already gone.
Donna Added Nov 1, 2017 - 2:04pm
My advice, if your spouse quits caring enough about your happiness to indulge you, don't get pushy, just divorce them as fast as you can.  The love is already gone.
Love and sex are not one in the same. Many women for medical reasons, have to stop.As do some men. If one truly loves a person, they make accommodations for things that go slightly different than in the beginning. Not instantly hire a lawyer.
Most couples are extremely active in the first few years .Bring on the children, work, family etc. and things slow down in every area..not just in the bedroom.
Riley Brown Added Nov 1, 2017 - 9:55pm
Donna, if you read the forum post before commenting, I pretty clearly said I thought the obligation applied if there weren't good reasons for not being able to have sex, "something is very wrong".
I do know married couples who don't have sex with each other anymore, and when it's because one partner just no longer feels the joy and isn't willing to accommodate their partner, the sex starved partner always seems to rationalize cheating and I don't blame them.
Next of course comes the lawyer, because sex is a vital leg of the marriage stool for most people.  I can't think of any friends who would entertain the thought of getting married to someone who told them right up front it was going to be a sexless marriage. 
If you think you're so beautiful on the inside that your worth keeping around even if you refuse to provide sex with your partner, I wish you all the luck in the world.  What you're proposing is usually a recipe to disaster if you want to continue a monogamous relationship.  If you're trying to justify refusing to provide sex I don't have any sympathy, there are far too many ways to get a partner off for you to convince me you can't, unless perhaps you're paralyzed.
wsucram15 Added Nov 2, 2017 - 1:08pm
I completely disagree with you on this. In most cases there is no "obligation".  These things are given freely without question.
when the questions arise...there are problems, exacerbating them by forcing your will on another is not ok  by any means.
If your spouse is tired and says no and asks you to understand, you should if its occasional...particularly if it also happens to you or if their job is physically strenuous and yours is not.   Good sex is better than rushed sex any day.
However, if there is some sort of wise, in the relationship, needs to be discussed. Not another problem (as in forced sex) pushed on top of that.    You may not be able to work out your problems and it may be time to split up...then you will have forced sex on someone who not only didnt want to have sex, but also didnt want to be with you. They just didnt want to hurt your feelings or be unkind.  IDK..there are lots of reasons for these things you are not taking into account, couple must COMMUNICATE.
People that are committed to one another do that.  Those that arent committed..dont communicate.   Then things happen that should not. 
wsucram15 Added Nov 2, 2017 - 1:14pm
Riley..I also concur with Donna.  It has nothing to do with beauty and looks or even your personality.  It has to do with love.  If you are committed to one will work it out.   In some way.
Love does not equal sex.  Sex is a part of love in a committed relationship. 
I will also add that no sex of any kind, at all, (except in rare circumstances) is usually a recipe for problems.
Riley Brown Added Nov 2, 2017 - 5:23pm
Wsucram I can't argue with success, if you've managed to keep a loving relationship and stop providing sex, I wish you luck.  However if your doing that and your spouse cheats on you, or decides to ask for a divorce, I don't blame them either.
Tell me, did you say NO I don't want to anymore before you got married, or is this something you decided to change after you got married?
Love is obviously lacking if one partner denies the other regular sexual relations, for no reason other than that they no longer want to.  Mutual sexual exclusivity and access is part of every marriage agreement I know of.
wsucram15 Added Nov 3, 2017 - 9:52am
I never said that and I am not married.  I said and I quote " Sex is a part of love in a committed relationship"   I also said-"I will also add that no sex of any kind, at all, (except in rare circumstances) is usually a recipe for problems."
I dont agree with you at all although I will say, that in some cases, if one person denies the other AS I SAID PREVIOUSLY...there is always a reason.  Cheating, abuse, perhaps not in love anymore.  I am not pretending to have those answers.
I prefer good "any sex".  Its  a preference of mine. Its kind of simple really. If you arent going to invest some time and energy into me, then dont expect me to do the same for you. 
I have spent most of my "adult life" in long-term relationships or married.  One of them was an outstanding sexual partner and I had to kind of show him.  His current wife pulled me aside in a store one day and thanked me, weird but true. 
I am in a relationship now and its doing fine, I believe.  When its not, I will make that determination or he will.   But there is more to any relationship than sex.  I like loyalty, friendship, Honesty, shared interests and/or hobbies..etc. 
But you know..there is something to be said for spontaneity.  LOL
Janie Smith Added Nov 3, 2017 - 6:02pm
I don't know Riley...I have trouble figuring you out.  Sometimes I think you just put this stuff out there for the fun of seeing what you will get back.
I just read two of your articles back to back and on the one hand, you've associated giving your body up just to get a job with a sleazy Hollywood, but here, on the other hand, giving your body up just to keep a relationship is somehow a glorified duty? 
I think maybe trying to make a distinction between forced sex between spouses and rape really leaves you falling on your sword as well.  Rape is an act of violence, it is a forced submission and it has nothing to do with healthy sex between two loving people.  Therefore, forced sex and rape are the same things.
Also, just like Jeffry's colorful example, there are many ways for men and woman to hurt each other, rape is one, disdain is another but when either of those things enters a relationship, that relationship is, essentially, over. Hasta la vista, baby!
Finally, men and women can have fluctuating sexual appetites over their lifetimes and they don't always sync up in a relationship. Mutual love, respect, and communication are essential to keeping a couple in connection.  
Riley Brown Added Nov 3, 2017 - 9:29pm
Jaine, if Rape is, "an act of violence" then is a man who rolls his wive over because he work up horny and has intercourse with his wife even though she tells him she has to get up early and just wants to sleep, raping her?  I've suggested that's not Raped with a Capital R in the same class as if a stranger broke into her house and forced her to permit him to have intercourse by threatening to kill or beat her to death if she refuses.  Women's advocates often disagree with me, saying those are both horrendous crimes and both men belong in prison.
If the partner I love has a sore foot I rub their foot, and feel that's not just an act of love it's also my obligation in any relationship.  I wouldn't tell them to go get a massage, or tough it out, I care and I'm their partner.  If my partner denies me that sort of accommodation jsut because they don't' enjoy rubbing my sore feet, I think it's time to move on, the love is already gone.  The same applies to satisfying my sexual urges.
wsucram15 Added Nov 4, 2017 - 7:43pm
Riley..YES, Under the law..its rape.  Unless you are Muslim and abide by Sharia law.
No means no...rape is not about SEX. The fact you do not understand that means you dont understand rape. You still think its forced sex.  Its not, its about power and just wrote another article about it in which again, you were also partially incorrect.
Its not about womens advocacy. Its about a violation of your rights...marriage does not allow someone to violate your rights.
Thats why people have rights to protect them from another, including a spouse.
Riley Brown Added Nov 5, 2017 - 11:01pm
wsucram, yes if rape is not about sex than a horny husband is not raping his wife if she says "enough" and he finishes anyway. 
Women do the same to men, "don't stop, please don't stop"; isn't that the same?  Neither is about power, both are wanting an act that is not going to add further personal pleasure to their partner, to continue anyway because it will pleasure them.
In both cases the party you say was raped probably won't agree with you that they were raped, and certainly not obsess about it every day for the next few months, like they would if they were forcibly raped by a stranger.
As I've said before, it's not really rape, and should not be treated like the same crime.
Janie Smith Added Nov 6, 2017 - 4:12pm
Dude, I don't care who it is or where they are at in their climax, if I want them off me then they better get the f-ck off me! 
And, I would grant that same prerogative to anyone I am with as well. 
If someone doesn't care about me enough to grant me that dignity and respect then they might as well take up necrophilia, they don't need me.
Riley Brown Added Nov 6, 2017 - 11:01pm
Janie, I presume it's me you are calling "Dude", and I get it, if you're not interested your partner needs a cold shower or another partner because you sure as heck won't be making you body available, even for a few seconds,  just so they can satisfy their thirst for a climax.
Tell me, if your partner had sore back would you similarly tell them "go take a shower", because you'd rather sleep than rub their back?
I know people who have used very uncomplimentary words to describe partners who didn't care about their partners satisfaction.  Usually it's women complaining about Men who only care about themselves, but I know it works the other way too, as your own words prove.
Jeffrey Kelly Added Nov 29, 2017 - 12:35pm
Hhhmmm, just sorta stumbled across this...
As a married man I can tell you that the thought of forcing my wife to have sex with me when she doesn’t want to repulses me.  I would consider it rape if I forced her against her will to have sex with me and I wouldn’t want to, anyway.
Marrying her didn’t turn her vagina into my personal 7-11 and it didn’t turn my penis into a turnstile.  It happens, sometimes I want it and she doesn’t, sometimes she wants it and I don’t.  There are lots of things that cause this.  People get older, have kids, the libido diminishes, whatever.  Married couples deal with those changes, if one party walks away disappointed it’s OK, you’ll get it the next time.  That’s the benefit of living and sleeping together.
But, Riley, yes, I would consider it rape.  If I force myself onto my wife then it is both physically and mentally traumatic, no different than if a stranger did it.  That’s not love or a desire for sex, that is simple brutality.  In a way it’s even worse, my wife would never feel the same way or look at me the same way again.  It’s almost the worst thing that can possibly happen, a loved one treating her like a sex doll, only good enough to ejaculate in.  That’s what a rapist does, treat someone as nothing more than a sex receptacle.
I agree that if love and desire fades to the point that nothing is left that divorce is the best option.  It’s better to not cheat.
David Montaigne Added Feb 3, 2018 - 11:23pm
Touchy subject with lots of viewpoints.  Obviously rape can occur within a marriage; even though (as has already been pointed out repeatedly) a pattern of denial is a bait and switch, and an abrogation of the original agreement to fulfill that role.  In ancient times, or perhaps in some nations today, the man's right to sex or the marriage rights supercede the idea of rape, it simply isn't viewed as a possibility within marriage.  In 21st century America, there are no marriage rights (for men) and the woman's willingness is paramount, with no consideration of any other factors.  Many people would benefit from a more balanced understanding of what it means to be married - or they should get divorced.
Ryan Messano Added Jun 9, 2018 - 6:58pm
Man, Riley, you are amazing! 
Ryan Messano Added Jun 9, 2018 - 7:13pm
The truth is, when a man and a woman get married, neither party has control of their body.  
The mans body belongs to his wife, and the wife’s body belongs to her husband.
Both are told not to “defraud” so that they don’t get tempted, as Riley so eloquently said.
Dino Manalis Added Jun 9, 2018 - 7:33pm
 Spouses should satisfy each other, including sexually.  They ought to communicate and understand each other's feelings and any problems he or she may have.