The spice of deceit – an author's take on betrayal

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I have a confession to make. At first, when my graphic-designer son urged me to start a blog, I thought I’d make it about my writing. I’m a diarist and aspiring novelist at heart, so that would be the most logical theme, I reckoned. But lately my thoughts have been hijacked by this daily, unrelenting question that keeps hammering at my head every night when I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up:

 

What do you do when you find out your husband is having an affair?

 

So now it’s a bit more complicated. You see, the ugly theme of Betrayal has barged its way into my writing. At least temporarily. Until I calm down.

How do we write about emotional wounds that are so deep, they hijack our entire life?

 

So now I’m putting myself to the test. As a passionate and dedicated writer, can I pour salt into my own wounds in order to heal them? Or should I just get on with the revision of my latest novel in the hope that next time round, my agent won’t leave me in the lurch again?

 

But never mind agents. For now I just want to get this blood-sucking leech off my chest. Bare all. Call it vengeance if you like. Or just letting off steam. Stretching my honesty to the absolute limits. So here goes.

 

What DO you do when you find out your husband is having an affair?

 

Well, I guess there are several options.

 

  • Harbour thoughts of easeful death – to cease upon the midnight with no pain.

 

  • Don’t tell anyone about it. Not a living soul.

 

  • Tell everyone about it. Every soul in the universe, living or dead.

 

  • Write a novel about it. Make it a Gothic horror story, with Hubby as the villain, and you as Damsel in Distress. To get your own back.

 

  • Have an affair yourself. To get your own back.

 

  • Tell yourself that you’re better off without him; after all, he was a critical so-and-so most of the time, apart from those first few years of true love and desire and happiness …

 

  • Believe in future love, even though his own love, after 21 bitter-sweet years, has metamorphosed into an insidious, agonising mockery. But hey, there are plenty more fish in the sea. (Oh, for fuck’s sake.)

 

  • Take a deep breath.

Deeeeeeep breath … Right. I’ve taken one. Five, actually. Can I go on now?

 

  • Kindly ask Hubby to move his things and himself out of the house. (Done.)

 

  • Take sleeping tablets. (Done.)

 

  • Try not to get addicted to the above, despite sleep being so much nicer than wakefulness.

 

  • Cling on to the hope that Hubby will beg to come back home, regret his foolishness, proclaim his renewed love, swear upon oath that he doesn’t want our marriage to end.

 

  • Stop asking the question, which has become your mantra every morning when you wake up: what do you do when you find out your husband is having an affair?

Well, Hubby didn’t beg, regret, proclaim or swear upon oath. He just did as he was told, like a good little boy, and moved out. I suspect he’s quite happy now, with his ‘other woman’, analysing everything with his Oxford-educated philosopher’s brain as usual, putting it down to: Ah well, Wendy and I were drifting apart; it would have happened anyway, even if I hadn’t met S …..… blah blah bloody blah.

Why has my philosopher-husband turned into a walking talking cliché? The very thing he himself scorned!

The body-snatchers have taken him away. That’s my only comfort. He’s lost his head, which has tumbled into his dick. Yep, he’s lost his head and changed beyond recognition, sincerely believing that well-meaning hugs and crocodile tears will make it all better. Oh, for a glass of vintage … That would make it a damn sight better than well-meaning hugs and crocodile tears! Before The Change, hubby was never into hugs. But change is the spice of life, right? Or is it variety? Well, he’s sure got his fair share of change, variety and spice! The spice of deceit. Does it intensify the sex, my darling? All that below-the-belt subterfuge? Is it kinky? Can I call you my darling now, seeing as your body-snatched brain seems to have remoulded all your linguistic rules and beliefs?

Where has your ethical, deep-thinking, analytical, righteous brain gone? YOU, my once-beloved, amazing philosopher with the scary blue eyes and shocking white hair,  prematurely white even when I first met you – yes, YOU, with the fierce expressions and mind, the power to change my life all those years ago when we first met and fell in love … where have you gone, my sweet?

One thing’s for certain. Wherever he’s gone, I don’t want him back. The beginning of this new chapter in my life starts with the words: THE END.

 

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https://wendyskorupski.com/

Comments

Erik Faust Added Nov 27, 2017 - 1:42pm
What a rollercoaster ride of emotions; heartwrenching, humourous and beautifully written
Autumn Cote Added Nov 27, 2017 - 2:19pm
Many thanks for your first submission to Writer Beat!  Please note, to help draw more attention to your work I highly recommend the following:
 
1) Write insightful comments on the work of others.
2) Add white space between paragraph breaks.  
3) Add an image/avatar to your account.
Jeffry Gilbert Added Nov 28, 2017 - 12:21am
What weren't you giving him that he found elsewhere is your first question all others will derive from that. 
Wendy Skorupski Added Nov 28, 2017 - 8:29am
@Jeffry Gilbert Yes, I've asked myself that same question. Just had to let off steam first - both as a woman and a writer. But thanks for replying, which is encouraging to a completely new blogger!
Ari Silverstein Added Nov 28, 2017 - 4:29pm
There are many days I wish my wife would have an affair and move-pout.  Freedom can be a wonderful thing, enjoy it while it lasts.   
Dave Volek Added Nov 28, 2017 - 4:37pm
I think you found something for your next short story or novel.
Jeff Michka Added Nov 28, 2017 - 6:24pm
Sorry, Wendy.  Nobody deserves being sold out by someone like a spouse they trusted.  Here's another example of a guy letting his Johnson think and talk for him.  Amazing, but all too true in life. Once again thanking my very, very lucky stars for my partner in everything I've had for45 years, now were both reaching the time in our lives when, once in a while, we think of life without our other part.  Best of it, Wendy...Recover and living on seems best "vengence."
Neil Lock Added Nov 29, 2017 - 1:44pm
Wendy: I’ve read this and the previous two posts on your blog. You live in a different world from me. But then, you’ve just been dumped by a philosopher, and I long ago was trained as a mathematician.
 
Of the options you outline for yourself, you already chose number 3, “tell it to the world.” You have my sympathy. But all I can advise you to do is, keep playing the piano!
Wendy Skorupski Added Nov 29, 2017 - 4:16pm
No fears, Neil, I will. And thanks for your advice - though not quite sure how to take it! Perhaps it's some esoteric mathematical riddle in disguise?
Jeff Michka Added Nov 29, 2017 - 4:41pm
Wendy S SEZ: No fears, Neil, I will. And thanks for your advice-YEAH, KEEP PLAYING THE PIANO.  Music and playing of it can heal a damaged and hurt soul.
Spartacus Added Dec 1, 2017 - 11:50am
Wendy, Sometimes relationships just end . . . grow apart.  It's not your fault. 
It is good to vent.  Anger needs to be released slowly.  Don't let it build up because it will eventually come out destructively.
 
This is his drama.  Not yours.
Wendy Skorupski Added Dec 1, 2017 - 2:31pm
Thank you, William. Don't worry, writing about it in a tongue in cheek way is my own form of literary therapy. It really does help.
Mark Hunter Added Dec 2, 2017 - 12:38am
A deep breath is always the best first action.
I've always found writing to be good therapy, even though I don't tend to address my problems and concerns direction--usually I go for light and fluffy. I have noticed, however, that my fiction tends to touch on my personal life more and more, if only indirectly. Therapy I didn't know I was doing is still therapy.
Wendy Skorupski Added Dec 2, 2017 - 6:22am
Thanks, Mark. So from one writer to another, you understand. Who knows, this all might end up in a black-humour novel one day! The beginnings of Philosopher Hubby and me were already put in writing many years ago. Strictly off reading ground now!!
Jeff Michka Added Dec 2, 2017 - 11:24am
Ari S admits: There are many days I wish my wife would have an affair and move-pout.  Freedom can be a wonderful thing, enjoy it while it lasts.-Gee, Ari, sounds like you've got a really happy home life. Nice of you to say how wonderful it is...all that freedom.  Do something about it, and maybe you'll be happier than Willy Stockpot or Mikey HaHaHaluska, who had exs that looked like Hillary Clinton.
Mark Hunter Added Dec 3, 2017 - 1:15am
Absolutely, Wendy--one good thing that comes out of bad things is when they become feed for the novelist mill!