Unemployed, unmotivated, unoriginal?

I am currently and suddenly unemployed! Many of you who have read my past posts are probably thinking,"what did she do? Get caught giving blow jobs in the supply closet?" But seriously, I never got caught. No, this sudden turn of events is entirely on me.

My entire life, from the age of thirteen, I've been a worker, with no objections. When I was not needed elsewhere in my life, I was usually needed at work. If no one would listen to me, at least I had a boss, ( or usually did), who gave a fuck what I had to say. And let's face it, employment is the only place in life where pushing yourself beyond your physical and mental abilities is actually rewarded monetarily.

I was EXTREMELY good at my job. I am so talented at what I do that I have decided to not let others profit from my gifts any longer. I am going into business for myself! While I have been keeping busy designing, marketing and prepping; I have had a couple days where I did NOTHING.Why did this make me feel bad?

Who decided that my life is not worth while just because I am no longer clocking in everyday. I know some will say that if I feel badly - then those feelings are coming from myself. Ok, you are correct, but why? What is it inside of me that makes me feel bad? And who put it there? Do I blame my parents? Or is this one I can lay on society?

We can all agree, I believe, on the fact that we live in a society where the one who dies with the most toys wins. I don't want to leave this world with a bunch of stuff in boxes that once meant something to me, but now just collects dust. I want to leave this world with memories and experiences. I want my time to truely be my time. I want to wake every morning with a renewed sense of adventure; not with a resolve to just make it through the day. I feel these things strongly and resolutely. I am just very much trying to banish the pulling sense of "you must be out there, you must participate". I feel a sense of loneliness and isolation, even though I am not alone. But I keep coming back to 30 years of selling my talents to someone else. What do I really have to show for it? Possessions are just that, mere objects, one really must put them in thier place. Our possessions will eventually posses us, what then? You can't take any of it with you anyhow - right?

So I join the thousands of others. The ones who want to be treated fairly, to reap rewards that are equal to thier talents. The ones who want to spend thier time thinking and experiencing, instead of performing a daily routine that means nothing and becomes progressively rote and disenchanting. I know there are bills to be paid, and certain life goals that have not yet been achieved; and maybe never will, but who cares?

Yeah, exactly- who is it that is keeping the scorecard?  I do not own my own home, never have. After thirty years of work, this is one of the benchmarks that I was supposed to have reached by now. Who said? Why is this expected of me? Two differnt times in my life I began putting away money for the beacon, "downpayment". Both times I ended up using the money to travel. 'Ello England and Ciao Italy! Those memories will be with me forever, no one can ever take them away. I hear about people losing thier homes everyday.

So there it is, I am unemployed. I currently do not join the huddled masses in thier commute, in thier giving of time for money. I may find the need for gainful employment - I know that life is not free, no one gives us anything for nothing and the rent must be paid. But I am taking a shot at a better life-on my own terms. Judge me as you may - but I do believe from this moment going forward I will feel better. I will take my guilt and leave it here. You guys know what to do with it.

Comments

The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2017 - 9:27am
here here, Blues. Welcome to the gig economy :) Life is like a bully. It is only when you resolve to no longer play by the bully's rules that you take away their power over you.  hence there are the growing numbers of us who have simply said "I'm out". Congrats on your liberation!
Stone-Eater Friedli Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:07am
Better be a poor owner of yourself than a slave of somebody else :-)
George N Romey Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:14am
First and foremost understand most new jobs being created are the gig, part time, low pay types.  If you are older, educated and have great experience being overqualified (and older of course) becomes a curse.  People assume you won't stay in a job that you are overqualified, despite the fact that those dream jobs are far and few in between and are going to go to someone in their 30s.  Its not you, its the system.   We now live in a world where the demand is for young, dumb, and cheap. 
 
As far as your life.  Some people live for experiences, some possessions.  You choose the former and there's nothing wrong with that.  I see people well off that refuse to leave the US, have no interest other than watching tv and sports and believe all the lies fed to them by establishment media.  They think because they have a wide screen flat panel tv and a fancy garage door opener they are part of the "enlightenment."
William Stockton Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:18am
I was chatting with a colleague the other day about the huge productivity increase since laptops invaded the workplace.
300% . . . 400% increase?
 
And workers still slave away in a 40hr work week just as they had before laptops became a human appendage.
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:20am
....and smart phones
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:21am
Amen Stoney :) Thats a creed!
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:25am
Words to live by, Stone. Thanks for contributing :)
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:27am
George - Thanks for your comment. I have read some of your articles George and I thought this would resonate with you.
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:28am
William -  Thanks for commenting. I certainly don't feel any more productive. In fact I feel more productive when I'm "unplugged"
 
George N Romey Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:31am
Yes it does.  I've seen some many older, smart, experienced and educated workers sent to the sidelines. Some are surviving on one spouse income (which causes extreme stress and discontent) and some scrape by with contract and/or part time jobs.  Some are no longer here, killed by substance abuse resulting from the stress, health issues from the stress or suicide. Why do you think morality and suicide rates are rising?
 
William, yet technology has caused worker productivity to soar.  However, since 1978 workers have no longer seen their wages rise with productivity. Its all gone to the investor and executive management class.  And yes we still slave away at 40 hour weeks and if you are an exempt employee you probably are putting in 60 hours plus a week.  Something is wrong with this picture.
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2017 - 10:38am
A man fares best by the fruits of his toil
What he takes from the land or puts into the soil
 
 
Stone-Eater Friedli Added Dec 6, 2017 - 11:19am
Passion
 
There's in fact only 5 things a human needs for a fulfilling life:
 
1. Enough to eat
2. A roof over the head
3. A good health
4. A family and/or a couple of REAL friends.
 
That does the job. Most people actually have that but take it for granted. Ergo they look for more without ever being satisfied.
Stone-Eater Friedli Added Dec 6, 2017 - 11:20am
ehhhh....4, not 5. But some probably start at 5 LOL
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 12:20pm
Stone - Yes, yes, yes, the four liberties of life! I love that you get it. ALMOST all of us have them already and don't appriciate them. Hell, over half of us I'm sure don't appriciated what it takes for us to wake up breathing everyday! The Dali Lama says that it is called "the present" for a reason. I've decided to duck out of the race, jump off the turnstile and appriciate all I already have. Not sure how I'll pay the rent, but it's a great life, I'll figure it out. Good to hear from you!
Neil Lock Added Dec 6, 2017 - 3:07pm
Passion Blues: Welcome to the club of independent people!
 
But there's a downside - and not just the obvious one that if things go wrong, only you can sort the problem. Political governments today are very hostile to us independent people. As soon as you start to earn any money at all (even as much as you made as an employee) they'll hit you. They might even try to declare your livelihood "illegal" (think of Rastafarian barbers). Oh, and then they'll claim that it's all your fault that you don't have enough to support yourself in old age.
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 3:29pm
Neil:  Thanks for reading and commenting. The downsides that you describe are the very reasons that I have not taken this career step sooner. It is probably what stops most people from doing this.
Even A Broken Clock Added Dec 6, 2017 - 5:50pm
Passion - good luck with your venture. I'm now in the position where I am able to thumb my nose at the business and corporate world, but only because I did pay my dues for so long. Working for a large corporation definitely had its downsides, but it did pay well. Yet I did pay a price in terms of health effects, and in lost opportunities to interact with the family as much as I'd like.
 
Stone - I think that your 5 (or 4) things fulfill the bottom 3 levels of Maslow's pyramid. I think the level immediately above the one you list (esteem needs) is where western society goes seriously haywire. For it is in the esteem needs that leads us into excessive consumerism and the need to excel in social media, and keep up with the, well, whoever is the epitome of popular culture. If folks would jump past esteem and go directly to self-actualization, the world would be much better off.
Jeff Michka Added Dec 6, 2017 - 7:22pm
PB sez: I am so talented at what I do that I have decided to not let others profit from my gifts any longer. I am going into business for myself!-Good for you, PB.  That is beyond the whiners and cryers like Geo R, who wants a job "worthy" of Geo, but instead of creating it for himself, cries and insists "nothing can be done."  Making the move to your own enterprise will solve the problem of "extra days': you won't have any, but you will reap the rewards of your own work and probably love every minute of it.  A pox on anyone telling you otherwise!!
Passion Blues Added Dec 6, 2017 - 8:31pm
Jeff- thank you for the read and the comments, and thanks for the encouragement! The beginning is going to be rough, but i know what I have to offer and find myself begging proud that I'm not whining any more. Thanks!
Jeffry Gilbert Added Dec 6, 2017 - 8:40pm
He who dies with the most toys is DEAD.
Jeff Michka Added Dec 6, 2017 - 8:49pm
PB notes: The beginning is going to be rough, but i know what I have to offer and find myself begging proud that I'm not whining any more.-The beginning, middle and even end will be tough, but when you make a success, whether it be finishing a good contract, or landing one, you'll feel great about the effort.  Ignore Capt. Gilbert, in his case, they who have the biggest gripes wind up living in Thailand. LOL
Stone-Eater Friedli Added Dec 7, 2017 - 12:32am
Passion
 
I've decided to duck out of the race, jump off the turnstile and appriciate all I already have. Not sure how I'll pay the rent, but it's a great life, I'll figure it out.
 
Good luck and all the power ! I know you won't regret it even if it's hard at times. I dropped off in 1995 and never regretted it, although it can take years to realize a plan when you don't have sufficient funds generated by slave labor ;-)
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 7, 2017 - 4:16am
Hopeless and futile it is to whine
When casting a pearl before the swine
Despite your talent, effort and luck
The swine, quite simply, gives not one fuck
So take your gifts elsewhere
One has to agree
When you do something well
Never do it for free
Passion Blues Added Dec 7, 2017 - 4:27am
TBH- Did you know my boss? Lol
Yeah the days of free labor are over!
opher goodwin Added Dec 7, 2017 - 5:39am
Stone:
Biologically an organism needs 5 things:
1. Food
2. Water
3. Shelter
4. A place to breed and bring up offspring
5. An ecosystem to interact with (physical and biological)
 
BTW - I think your fifth one was sex.
 
Humans need friendship and mental stimulation too.
opher goodwin Added Dec 7, 2017 - 5:46am
PB - I took early retirement from a highly successful career that I loved but which was extremely stressful and time consuming. I took retirement while I still had my health and fitness in order to do the things that I could not fit into my working life - to read, to write, to travel, to get to gigs, to spend time with family.
I've done that for six years now and am loving it - though I do miss many aspects of work. Life is full and I don't get a minute. I've travelled loads, written lots of books, unclogged my head, read lots of books, been to hundreds of gigs, met up with good friends and looked after grandchildren.
I find a balance between all those possessions and experiences. Having both is ideal and I'm not hung up on lots of material things, so that balance is good. My possessions are books, CDs and vinyl, not cars, watches and flashy trash. So that's good with me.
I hope you find the balance that suits you.
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 7, 2017 - 6:01am
@ Blues. " I do not own my own home, never have. After thirty years of work, this is one of the benchmarks that I was supposed to have reached by now. Who said? Why is this expected of me? Two differnt times in my life I began putting away money for the beacon, "downpayment". Both times I ended up using the money to travel. 'Ello England and Ciao Italy! Those memories will be with me forever, no one can ever take them away. I hear about people losing thier homes everyday."
 
Well... I was made unemployed 11 month now after 17 years working for the city. Its not final, the matter is in court. Was busy building my retirement home in Jamaica when it happened. With my retirement and SS, I could live like a king down there. But alas, I had to stop building. So I must pay bills here. I retired, took my SS (lost 700 a month for early penalty), and the rent from my tenant (paying the same amount for 7 years, a good tenant), I can float. 
 
A house ownership is the dream of any Caribbean American illegal immigrant who gets to America. Some Blacks saw the ownership of a Cadillac as the most important thing. They sleep in it.
 
I now get a little money without working and  I have time on my hand to benefit from my not for profit, and to have friends in universities refer doctoral learners who want help to me.
 
Yes precious memories are important but they can be more enriching depending on the location from which they are being recalled.
 
Yes, if one has the skills, one can make a penny in this country. However, it is less stressful if the 30 years of employment returned a remuneration that keeps your head above water. Go forth and do it.
 
 
Passion Blues Added Dec 7, 2017 - 6:22am
Dr. Green -  Thank you for your encouragement! I hope your dispute gets resolved to your benefit. You mention property in Jamaica? Have you considered opening a clothing optional resort? Do you need a caretaker?
Passion Blues Added Dec 7, 2017 - 6:24am
Well! It's about time! Finally the illustrious Opher has commented on one of my pieces! Yay me :)
 
Thanks Opher! Your idea of the best material possessions is the same as my own. Gimme vinyl!
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 7, 2017 - 6:41am
@Passion. I will be passionate about an endeavor you can convince me to undertake. When the money begins to flow as I want it, any thing is possible.
opher goodwin Added Dec 7, 2017 - 7:04am
PB - I didn't know I was that illustrious. I would have commented before except there's only so many hours in the day and I get spread pretty thin. I have to limit myself. There's much writing to be done. Sorry. I'll try to do better.
Keep with that vinyl! Music is life.
Enjoy your new experiences - I'm sure it will all work out. Life is an adventure. Best of luck.
Passion Blues Added Dec 7, 2017 - 7:25am
Hey Doc! My idea is gold! Mo' mojo mean mo' money!
 
If I got a gig down there I'd work in exchange for a place to live there. Work 3-4 days a week and the rest of my time working on erasing my tan lines :)
Passion Blues Added Dec 7, 2017 - 7:26am
Opher -  Thanks! I've enjoyed much of your discussions on here, from your own posts and your participation in others. 
George N Romey Added Dec 7, 2017 - 8:45am
One very hard lesson I’ve learned is not to trust conventional norms. They are designed to entrap  you. Unfortunately the 60s through 90s were all about following the path prescribed. Big mistake.
opher goodwin Added Dec 7, 2017 - 8:48am
Thank you PB - I appreciate that. Notice - I'm back already!
And I wanted to remark that you don't sound unmotivated or unoriginal and a busy person with lots of aims is never unemployed. They are always up to things. I think you are fully employed.
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 7, 2017 - 9:21am
If I got a gig down there I'd work in exchange for a place to live there. Work 3-4 days a week and the rest of my time working on erasing my tan lines :).  I will give you a contact. emai:l educateme5@yahoo.com
Stone-Eater Friedli Added Dec 7, 2017 - 11:52am
Rupert
 
You've done good with your house in Jamaica. Spares you from a heart attack due to stress :-)
Michael B. Added Dec 8, 2017 - 12:38am
Good for you! I wish you the best of luck! What's that saying..."If you're really, really good at something, never do it for free". Of course, some deserve freebies : )! I got laid off from a job I was at for a number of years, and while some would be bummed out, it was among the best things that ever happened to me! Like you, I've been in the workforce since I was 13 years old (my first "official" job as far as the IRS is concerned was working the grill at a weekend Grateful Dead gig when I was 15, but that's another story), and enjoyed the break from the rat race, which I was constant contestant in without pause. I know a couple of people who have went into business on their own, one a success, and the other a failure, but they both essentially were working 24/7/365 one way or the other.
Passion Blues Added Dec 8, 2017 - 4:47am
Hmm....tell me more about this "Grateful Dead" you speak of. Where was this show? I might have been there
Michael B. Added Dec 8, 2017 - 8:09pm
In a fairly small SoCal town back in 1983 or 1984. I served approx. 20,000 stoned, drunk, hallucinating munchie-seized Deadheads.
Passion Blues Added Dec 9, 2017 - 1:51pm
Awwwww.....I was strictly an Easy Coast Dead Head......The years are right, wrong location!
Passion Blues Added Dec 9, 2017 - 1:51pm
East coast - although maybe easy is more apt.