What a narcissist taught me

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If you have read my stuff, you will hopefully become aware that I am not an ideologue. I run the gamut in my appreciation of sound reasoning. I am a philosopher and always have been, deconstructing arguments even as a little kid and getting pummeled for it. But reasoning is not something you can stop because someone says, stop it. Just as I believe sexual orientation to be. What floats your boat isn't something determined by learning, from what I've seen. And if you're uncertain about your sexual orientation, just go on Facebook and an algo-rhythm will figure it out for you. Gotta love Facebook.


Anywho, I was sucked into this site where a woman would post tract after tract of descriptions of narcissistic behavior, strategies for dealing, every aspect of narcissistic syndrome, (yes, it is becoming a syndrome worthy of our sympathy) was ass-picked to death. There wasn't much traffic on the site, or comment, so ...well you know me.


I launched in with my thoughts in equally long and thoughtful explanations of the behavior I'd seen from the narcissists I'd dealt with, nearly everybody in my family, the ex, golf buddies, classic patterns of creating emotional dependency to inflict emotional abuse. I don't do that. If I get too clingy, tell me and I'll find a tree to climb for a while, or a mountain, or something less demanding. I have no problem with being pushed away. But I have to say that was an extremely hard lesson to learn, how to walk away gracefully. I'm still not sure I have that down, but my approach is definitely less drama queenish. More about getting good outcomes.


Anywhat, I soon determined that the person running this site was almost certainly a narcissist. There were few comments and when I finally did the smart thing and looked at her profile page I saw that she only had one friend. Possibly this was some kind of cyber thing, but who knows, yesterday I unfriended her, and this morning a new person took over with my the same credentials. Unfriend them. After years of blindly friending whoever looked interesting I have discovered that the algo-rhythms have discovered what I find interesting and will use that. Be aware. They aren't just interested in sendin you more pictures of young women doing things they should be ashamed to do in public, but also what you're studying at the moment, what you're eating where you're spending, they want it all and they want it now. 


Anyso, on the last day, as I was writing about faith, I came up with this. I have always been a philosopher and in my childhood the story that most interested me was the story of Christ. It was so illogical. And after studying the story of Christ and discounting all of the gospels as here say, except those words and ideas that were corroborated three times, I wanted to understand God, a fool's errand if there ever was one, but commendable in my humble opinion. I studied all religions, as many ideas as I could find, and had some experiences that slowly convinced me that there must be a God and that this God really does have power in this world and in our hearts. Why God picks some to live and some to die, didn't make sense to me, the personality of God was something I realized I'd never fully comprehend, but I decided to have faith anyway.


And that faith has served me well. It even got my ex to ask me how she could get it and I told her she couldn't. Being a narcissist she took it as an insult, but I explained to her tht faith isn't something you find, it finds you and the only way to have it find you is to rid yourself of all of those things that block you from being found.


For a philosopher that's an enormous leap, but it's the only way I can make sense of my existence. Mohammed said, "Let those God chooses to come to him, go to him, and let those he does not choose go." Go where is the question.


Anywhen, I had never had that revelation before and it came from someone who appears to have been playing games with me. I guess they didn't realize from their narcissistic perspective that I love games. They can teach us so much. God knows.       


mark henry smith Added Dec 7, 2017 - 2:31pm
I pout a poem on line that I put on here, but I've now begun performing them via video. The one today was called, Incredible George William and it got responses from people I never expected. That smart phone was the smartest investment I ever made. Watch out for Marko Noyes.  
mark henry smith Added Dec 8, 2017 - 3:27pm
What I say now, be scared all ye who take cakes the Farsi man bakes, it be terrible mistakes. I can reconstruct anything I wrote from memory. I have an eidetic memory. Do any of you? I remember conversations almost verbatim, but I don't remember names well. That's how weird memory can be.