a functioning america?: dumb, dumber, dumbest

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a functioning america?: dumb, dumber, dumbest . . .




When Tubularsock saw this, immediately doubt was the reaction.


Now, it is not that Tubularsock has any doubt what-so-ever that Donnie can’t tie his own shoes but Tubularsock had to do some research about this Newsweek article.


First, Tubularsock hates Newsweek and doesn’t trust much of what they say but also because of the stupidity of ALL of the Trumps’ and inability to tie their own shoes was a little too much.


Hell, Melania and Ivanka wear slip-on for Christ sake!


But alas, life is stranger than fiction.


It has been disclosed by the New York City Board of Elections that due to the lack of a 3rd grade level of intelligence the Trumps couldn’t vote for the Mayor of New York because………….


Donnie while filling in his absentee ballot put down the WRONG DATE FOR HIS OWN BIRTHDAY!


You know, how June and July look alike, right?




Melania wrote in under “county”, USA rather than New York and then proceeded to NOT SIGN the inner envelope as instructed to do for mail-in absentee ballots.


She is one of those immigrants that climbed the wall so at least it is somewhat understandable.


Ivanka filled out her ballot properly but didn’t mail it in on time.


And Jared, not being a “real-Trump” didn’t vote at all.


Now don’t let it bother you that:



Sure the beat goes on.




You have seen that Doug Jones won the Alabama Senate seat from the pedophile Moore who got less of the votes.


Moore who got less wants a recount.


But Alabama’s Secretary of State John Merrill has stated that Moore with less could have a recount if he paid for it.


But here is Tubularsock’s question:

Just how will the recount be counted?



Tubularsock assumes that the Alabama Supreme Court ruled that way because they thought the vote would be close and it would be Doug Jones wanting the recount.


Maybe that old good-ol’-boy system is going to take a hit!


Before the election Mitch McConnell suggested that PedoMoore should step down from running and head back to the mall and chase 14 year old virgins full time (or something like that) but then the Pussy-Grabbing-President-Dump put his full support behind Moore and then Mitch switched! (this all sounds a little gay to Tubularsock ….. just sayin’)




But wouldn’t you know. Now that Alabamans have chosen their Senator to represent them, Mitch McConnell now is attempting to NOT ALLOW Doug Jones into the Senate to REPRESENT THE PEOPLE OF ALABAMA until after the tax robbery bill is voted on.


It’s called democracy.



Tubularsock Added Dec 14, 2017 - 11:59am
Sometimes you just have to have it go over the edge and then pick up the pieces.
Stone-Eater Added Dec 14, 2017 - 12:52pm
But here is Tubularsock’s question:
Just how will the recount be counted?
Ask Jeb Bush.
Dave Volek Added Dec 14, 2017 - 2:30pm
All I can say is that TDG elections would not require millions of votes to be stored or tampered or lost for any possible recount. Maybe a few hundred votes in a particular neighborhood where the election was close, and the poll officers could do a second count in 10 minutes after the first count. Not much opportunity to make adjustments to improve democracy.
But not recounting million or so votes in the TDG will not produce the drama that keeps Tubularsock inspired.   
But now it's time to tell Tubularsock about how I contributed to the system instead of writing e-books on why the system should be replaced. I took Tubularsock's advice from his previous WB piece to get a job at the White House . I used two credit cards to rent a Leerjet from Calgary to Washington DC. When I got to the White House, a cyborg-type guy with black suit, white shirt, and deep sunglasses answered the doorbell.
"Tubularsock sent me," I said.
"Come this way," said Mr. Cyborg without hesitation.
He took me to a basement room. He gave me a badge that said "New Guy #37".
"Your office is Room 121." he said. No security checks whatsoever; straight to work! The tubularsock must have a lot of power and influence in Washington.
When I got the office, I was greeted by my four interns: Stephanie, Tiffany, Tiffany, and Tiffany. They told me that I was the Secretary of Nuclear Bored Games, and my job was to devise strategies for deflecting the media away the nuclear war with North Korea when we reach that state of affairs.
On the third day, I finally got my paper clips in my paper clip DIA and my thumb tacks in my thumb tack DIA. Some guy called Veep stuck his head in my door and said: "You're fired".
"Why" I asked.
"The boss doesn't like prime numbers today" he said.
Not thinking about myself, I asked, "What about Stephanie, Tiffany, Tiffany, and Tiffany?"
"They will be reassigned" Veep said.
Thinking about myself, I asked "What about my three days pay?"
"The Secretary to Pay Secretaries was New Guy #11. He didn't get your paperwork done in time." Veep seemed to have an answer for everything. 
Two Cyborgs extradited me out of the building. They took away my New Guy #37 badge. "We'll need this again" the bigger cyborg stated.
So that is my story of life in the White House. There's not enough for us to write a bestseller. So it's back to being a short order cook at a hotel for me. And man, will I ever have a big credit card bill next month.
BTW, DIA stands for Desk Impingement Area. I learned quickly this is a good acronym to use in the White House.
Tubularsock Added Dec 14, 2017 - 6:09pm
Former New Guy #37 please note the following comuniquẻ has been transmitted in standard criss-cross-over-code (CCOC) and after reading each word as you proceed that word will self destruct in the standard POSP (puff of smoke protocol). For a long comuniquẻ it is advised to open a window to get cross ventilation.
Thank you. This advisory will self destruct in 5 seconds Pacific Standard Time (PST).
Coded message proceed:
Farewell Former New Guy #37 and Secretary of the Deplorable, Tubularsock would like to thank you for your time served with the United States Government.
You will receive your three days of pay for your government service less standard charges for paper clip and thumb tack delivery into your DIA as well as the cost of sanitizing your “new guy #37 badge” after return.
The Learjet parking fees were added to your charge cards divided equally between the two evenly to avoid an overdraft on your part. Just one of your Government’s many services.
So by diverting the parking charges to your credit cards The U.S. Government Billing Service is sending your three day of service pay check after deducting charges which comes to a COST TO YOU of $23,000.00.
Please remit or we’ll have to send our “bigger cyborg” to collect.
Thank You for doing business with the United States of America.
Your good friend and public servant, Tube.
PS: Stephanie, Tiffany, Tiffany, and Tiffany say hi!
Shane Laing Added Dec 14, 2017 - 9:10pm
To Dave and Tube. Brilliant absolutely hilarious.
Tubularsock Added Dec 15, 2017 - 1:54am
SL, Tubularsock thanks you. Glad you liked our collaboration and thanks for taking the time to comment.
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 15, 2017 - 8:55am
@Tube. What can we say. America has elected a peanut farmer, a Blackman (Blankman), and an actor for president. It is therefor logical that it would elect a Donald Trump. This country is about equal opportunity. What enlightened European country has similar equal opportunity pedigree regarding its main leader?
Bill H. Added Dec 15, 2017 - 10:59am
Good one as usual Tube!
I guess we just sit back and watch what else slides off of the Teflon Tangerine's back on what is now a daily basis.
He wanted to continue as a reality star, and he has pulled it off again. A cast of obedient fools and a scattering of arm-candy to keep up the viewership.
It seems that no matter what channel I go to, his show is on all of them.
wsucram15 Added Dec 15, 2017 - 11:23am
Moore does not get a recount, that state guy was referring to State Legislative seats.  Not federal seats, Moore lost.  Alabama law-http://electionlawblog.org/?p=96376 
All state offices are covered- not federal, that gets handled at the Senate.
Dave Volek Added Dec 15, 2017 - 3:04pm
Bill H
I like to watch Star Trek re-runs. I don't see him there.
Tubularsock Added Dec 15, 2017 - 4:20pm
Bill, thanks. Tubularsock does have to agree that you just can’t get away from Orange Tweet.
Dave may have an excellent solution with the re-run Star Trek idea.
Tubularsock Added Dec 15, 2017 - 4:21pm
Dr. Green, very good point. But Tubularsock is still looking for ANY enlightened country!
Tubularsock Added Dec 15, 2017 - 4:21pm
wsucram15, thanks for the link. Great info from the horses mouth however it is conceivable that Alabama’s Secretary of State John Merrill didn’t even know!
Stephen Hunter Added Dec 16, 2017 - 9:39am
Very entertaining and well put together article Tubularsock! 
They(moore repubs) are still in denial that this happened. Thus the results must be a mistake. This is the reality they live in. Don't confuse me with the facts my mind is made up. And when all else fails go back to 'God has a plan'. 
Tubularsock Added Dec 16, 2017 - 11:39am
Stephen Hunter, thank you.
Tubularsock always finds it interesting that they never figure out that "God's Plan" just may he to have a Moore loss!
Dino Manalis Added Dec 16, 2017 - 12:27pm
Roy Moore wasn't straightforward with his past, he just denied everything and voters didn't buy it.  Honesty and morality come first to gain public trust!
Tubularsock Added Dec 16, 2017 - 12:40pm
Dino, thanks for your comment. You are SO correct but if we, in truth, applied honesty and morality as a measure for our political class we'd REALLY have to clean the swamp and most of our current office holders would be out of work.
Remember too, Trump has neither honesty nor morality going for him yet, he's President. So perhaps public trust is easier to obtain with lies and deceit.
opher goodwin Added Dec 16, 2017 - 3:30pm
I love democracy. You get to vote for the lesser of two evils and usually find you chose the wrong one. If you get a decent one they are blocked at every step.
Aaah Democracy - they are like children and unlike meringue - you can't beat them!
Tubularsock Added Dec 16, 2017 - 5:57pm
op, your love for democracy shows. So that is where that old adage comes from, "Spare the meringue spoil the child."
Thanks op. Tubularsock learns a new thing everyday except on Sunday when superstition happens!
Katharine Otto Added Dec 17, 2017 - 9:07am
Another witty piece, alas.  Too bad our president is such a laughingstock.  We can only hope no one else takes him seriously, either, especially other world leaders whom he has insulted.
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 17, 2017 - 1:16pm
@Tube. "Remember too, Trump has neither honesty nor morality going for him yet, he's President. So perhaps public trust is easier to obtain with lies and deceit."
I am frightened to think that if Trump was accused of being a child molester he would have won, even if he were one. That is the mistrust that exists for Hillary, Even if trump was shown on national TV sexually abusing a baby (using a pink blanket to hold a boy), Americans would declared its fake news fabricated by Hillary.
Tubularsock Added Dec 17, 2017 - 4:25pm
Katharine, thanks. It is too bad BUT Tubularsock feels few of the world leaders take the guy seriously. But that doesn't mean the idiot isn't dangerous!
Thanks for your comment.
Tubularsock Added Dec 17, 2017 - 4:28pm
Well Dr. Green, Hillary is just another clown in the political circus called America! It is like putting up corrupt vs. corrupt and expect not to elect corrupt!
Dr. Rupert Green Added Dec 17, 2017 - 5:18pm
@Tube.Brilliant in preceding.
Ari Silverstein Added Dec 18, 2017 - 5:56am
With the economy cranking, China finally helping out with the North Korean problem and America not participating in the climate charade, I don’t blame you for making such a big deal about putting the wrong birthday down on his absentee ballot.  After all, you don’t have anything of substance to be critical of.  As for Moore, Trump backed his opponent. 
wsucram15 Added Dec 18, 2017 - 2:31pm
Best damn thing I read all year...this will teach you all to underestimate women.  Not intended for author..its just a link for him.
Its not done yet..
The person of the year-the silence breakers. 
You know..the womens march on down....Have a good day.
Dave Volek Added Dec 18, 2017 - 3:08pm
It is like putting up corrupt vs. corrupt and expect not to elect corrupt!
I have a solution for this paradox, but the world doesn't seem to want to hear, let alone listen.
Edward Miessner Added Dec 18, 2017 - 3:42pm
Good article, Tubularsock! If I wasn't at the library, I'd burst out laughing!
You know, I'm wondering how the Orange Crassus family is running the country? Actually, I think they're not really running it, but the minions underneath 45 are running it, chief of whom is Mike Pence, hence the wind in the sails of the "social conservatives" who don't want anything more vis-a-vis liberalisation on women's issues, race issues and gay issues.
As for Roy Moore losing the election, just how is he going to win that recount now?????
Tubularsock Added Dec 18, 2017 - 4:58pm
Ari Sliverstein you really have a great sense of humor and Tubularsock thanks you for that.
Are sure you didn’t mean clanking rather than “cranking”?
About the only manufacturing job left in the U.S. is the manufacturing of the economic growth and the employment numbers of not only the Dump Administration but all administrations!
These numbers have always been Houdini Inspired and you have got to know this!
But these numbers are always called upon but they only give an indication of just how deep the fraud of the system goes.
Lets take the employment numbers because it is just more transparent than growth numbers.
If you only count the number of people signed up looking for work and NOT take into account the number of people that actually are unemployed then just what value is that number?
A much better indicator Tubularsock has discovered is going out on the street and counting the number of homeless people Tubularsock has to step over on his way to get a $7.00 cup of coffee! Puts an entirely new perspective on unemployment if you know what Tubularsock means.
And the ONLY reason the Korean issue has calmed down has nothing to do with China!
The Korean issue has calmed down only because we are not playing the game of attacking them with our aggressive acts with our allies. But don’t worry, it’s seasonal and we’ll be back at the war games at their border next season.
Somehow North Korea gets the idea when we send our Army and Navy to their boarders that we may attack them. Those funny ol’ North Koreans! How silly of them.
Thanks for you comments Ari.
Tubularsock Added Dec 18, 2017 - 4:59pm
wsucram15, thanks for the link, damn good article even though Tubularsock isn’t usually a Time Mag fan.
Tubularsock Added Dec 18, 2017 - 5:00pm
Dave, that is the sad truth. As long as people are just a tiny bit better than the last guy they seem to think that things are good.
Solutions require THINKING, good luck with that.
Please respond with a link for buying your book.
Thanks for the comment.
Tubularsock Added Dec 18, 2017 - 5:01pm
Ed, Tubularsock will accept “Library Laughs” as well. Thanks.
You are correct, Tubularsock believes that Pence and “mother” are lurking in the dark underbelly of Washington, D.C.
Tubularsock suspects that the key is if someone could get close enough to Mike to remove that Christian Cross that is stuck side wise up his ass the relief would turn him so gay that he’d be happy!
Of course, some think Tubularsock may be wrong.
Thanks for your comment.
Dave Volek Added Dec 18, 2017 - 5:38pm
Thanks for the opportunity to flog the TDG.
The 3rd version is still freely available on the internet.
The 4th version is available as an ebook on Amazon and Kobo.
One of the frustrating part of this whole journey is that THINKING is not even being done by those who are recognized as thinkers.
Tubularsock Added Dec 18, 2017 - 8:03pm
Thanks Dave.
Bill H. Added Dec 18, 2017 - 11:06pm
Jeanne - I believe it will end up being the women that finally get us out of this Orange Mess. I have overheard what some of the local ladies have planned if the Orange Buffoon decides to make the mistake (which he always seems to be good at) of firing Mueller. I have also witnessed a group of middle age ladies at a local drinking establishment after having a few Martinis and getting their fill of the daily shenanigans of the Orange Buffoon on the TV over the bar erupt in to a rage than no man would ever want to endure. I saw a few "redcaps" quietly get up and leave quickly.
The female volcano is getting ready to erupt, and it will make Krakatoa look like a mere firecracker.
wsucram15 Added Dec 19, 2017 - 8:42am
ITs coming..I promise.
Edward Miessner Added Dec 19, 2017 - 3:19pm
"Tubularsock believes that Pence and 'mother' are lurking in the dark underbelly of Washington, D.C."
Ah, the good Christian in the belly of the Beast of Revelations!
"Tubularsock suspects that the key is if someone could get close enough to Mike to remove that Christian Cross that is stuck side wise up his ass the relief would turn him so gay that he’d be happy!"
Oh, I don't know about that... I think that if you take out that Cross and Mike would still be a  stuck-up right-winged Christian!
Edward Miessner Added Dec 19, 2017 - 3:24pm
Bill H,
Interesting observation! I keep thinking that despite the Dems' recent wins, even in Alabama, the nonstop promulgation of political correctness on the part of the progressive liberals will lead the Dems to defeat again both in 2018 and 2020. We'll see.
Tubularsock Added Dec 19, 2017 - 4:59pm
Edward, Tubularsock agrees with the Dems' need to change from the same rich money the Rep's get. Both need to stop selling the people but Tubularsock knows that won't happen except through a barrel of a gun!
As for PC all we need is universal respect toward others. Is it really that difficult?
Edward Miessner Added Dec 20, 2017 - 5:57pm
Common decency and universal respect toward others shouldn't be that difficult. Unfortunately, it is for a certain kind of American. And strident political correctness steeped in liberal identity politics only fuels the rage of these people.

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