So let's set some conditions first.
It can't be anything too easy, like I'd want to be blond, because if that was really something you wanted to do you would have done it already.
And it can't be your economic status, because that's something you can change, maybe, with some initiative and luck, and everybody wants to be wealthier, except for someone who's slept on a bed of money for too long and is having back problems because of it so they want to give some away to get the lumps out.
And it can't be an addiction issue, like smoking, or drinking, because that's just too easy. Yeah, no one wants to be killing themselves with bad habits. So over-eating is out, bulimia is out, pellegra, or whatever that weird eating disease is called. In fact, let's just eliminate eating fetishes all together and sex habits, because almost everybody wants more sex when they aren't getting it, and nymphomaniacs can never get enough. It's surprising that social media hasn't been able to bring these groups together, but maybe it has and I'm just out of the loop. Maybe that's what those friend requests with young girls who want to have a great .... now means and I'm just square.
Okay, now there's something you could change. I don't want to be as square. I want to be able to loosen up and not feel guilty about it. Or you could go in the opposite direction. I want to be more square and not feel stupid about it, as if I'm denying myself some pleasure when I don't go to the bar and get wasted. This feeling that I should be getting more all the time when I'm already getting more than anybody I know, when it would be better for me if I got a lot less, but I can't stop being so cool.
Which of these positions do you think is more problematic? I think in our society we're programmed to feel as if we're missing out on pleasure all the time, too square. All of the ads, all of the cartoons, all of the Black Panthers appear to be living in a world where every moment is titillated with excitement and pleasure, and all I need is to get my hands on some vibrainium. Coming soon to a Disney store near you, just like plastic Harry Potter wands that look like real sticks. We consume because it's safe for a square to consume more stuff, but not do anything cool. Doing something cool is dangerous. It means we might defy convention. Consumption in this society is convention.
Okay, so try it. Try not being so square for a day. Do something that you don't allow yourself to do that isn't stupidly harmful, but might be fun. Like maybe dance alone at a bar to a song you like. Guys should do this. Macho guys. Slow dance with themselves.
Women might want to ask a guy to dance. A completely inappropriate guy. A guy so young and handsome that it makes you tingle just to walk by him. Ask him to dance and if he says no, just start dancing for him. Dance sexily and shamelessly, then after you fail, go back to your husband and say, "Well, I tried," and watch the reaction. I'll bet he'll tell you he'd never imagined you were so cool.
Me personally, I always want to be less angry. I've had anger management issues since I was a little kid and my older siblings would do cruel stuff to me that I couldn't do back to them because I was so much smaller and there was only one of me. That's what sucks about being the youngest, there's only one of you, and you're the smallest. There's only one oldest too, but they're usually the biggest, at least for some extended period of time. Enough time to do significant damage to the psyche of the youngest.
There's this voice in my head all the time telling me everything I'm doing is wrong and it's the voice of my older siblings. My parents never did that. They encouraged me, but then they didn't want to pay for lessons, but that's another issue. My siblings would tell me I did something terribly when I did it well. They'd lie to me all the time and I wasn't old to enough to understand why they would want to lie to me. Why they wouldn't want me to succeed in all of the areas where I was better than they are. I thought they'd want me to beat them fair and square.
So I have this anger problem and it's invaded every relationship I've ever had and everything I do, even stuff I do with myself, that isn't for public consumption. I'm always telling myself I could do better and it's true, that's the terrible part. I could, I really could, based on models of perfect, peak performance. But how often does that happen? Once. A peak performance is a magic moment, not an everyday occurrence, but my siblings would always demand, prove it, prove it again, and like the little idiot I was, I'd try until I failed and then beat myself up at their behest.
Damn, it took me a along time to figure that out, but once I did I was much less angry at myself and much nicer when I didn't live up to my unrealistic expectations, the one's inculcated into my being by a corrupt system. And this process of becoming nicer is what I work at everyday, not letting the voice tell me to be pissy because things aren't going my way. Because, when I step back and look at where I've been, what I've come through, they are going my way. I've got a beautiful feeling everything's going my way.
Today no one will hold me down and tickle me until I can't breathe, or drape a wet washcloth over my face as I sleep. In fact, there's a good chance that I will be able to sleep as long as I want without any disturbance. And in my life, that's huge.