Gazette the fickle Mistress

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She entered the lounge of the Bradford, PA Holiday Inn just as Scott Pelley came on the air in the lone monitor above the bar. The early spring was still behaving as winter and she was dressed accordingly; the long coat, the woolen cap and dark glasses aiding in her surreptitious approach.


“Hiya! Don’t be shy, Miss. Whad’ya have?”


She made a discreet scan of the lounge and then tilted her glasses down to bat her lashes at the bartender. “I’ll have a Horni Margarita, thanks.”


She was pleased to find that she had beat him here. The location had been selected for it’s obscurity, but in the unlikely event that they were noticed she could honestly say that he had come to her. She took the margarita into her bejeweled and perfectly manicured fingers and slid a ten across the bar, nodding to the bartender to keep the change. She made it plain that she didn’t wish to be disturbed.


As she sat waiting she sipped patiently from her glass, fighting the urge to remove her cap and loose her long blond mane. She popped another Xanax and cursed the fact that she was out of cigarettes. No smoking ordinances be damned! Those rules were for the troglodytes who did not possess the good judgment or restraint to enjoy such privileges. The sort of “people” that she “helped” every day with her honest and unbiased reporting. Her anxieties were soon soothed by his voice.


“Hello Gazette. You look stunning!”


It had been a while since she had seen him, her little Fuzz Butt. She had tried to forget the age difference in his absence, to quiet her insecurities, but seeing him there she was again reminded of his youth and her own distance from it. As much as he appealed to her vanity she had tried to hold him at arm’s distance. She had finally succumbed to his persistent charms and agreed to this meeting.


“Thank you Mark. You’re looking well yourself, despite your current, er...troubles.”


“Gazette, you were right my darling! I should have listened to you. But don’t you see? You’ve won their minds, I’ve won their hearts. Together we could rule their very souls!”


He was just adorable when he went all philosophic like that! And he was right. They really should be working together. She ordered another margarita, hoping he would continue talking dirty to her. He didn’t disappoint.


“ Look, I know before we couldn’t make it work because of me. Because I couldn’t do those….things. You know, that one thing you like to do? I know you’re with Pencilneck for that, Gazette, I get it. But he’s not right for you. It’s about more than penetration. I just wanted you to know that I’m past all that now. We can be together now.”


He paused at this point and stepped down from his stool and took a knee on the floor next to her. Gazing lovingly into her vacant eyes he took one of her hands in his and declared his love. “Gazette, I’m ready now. I am ready to be regulated.”


The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 22, 2018 - 9:45pm

Human Interest
Science / Technology
X  Gonzo journalism

The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 22, 2018 - 9:47pm
For a reference point to those uninitiated to my brand of illness see The sad, slow and ugly death of the media in my catalogue, where the character of Gazette was first introduced
Pardero Added Mar 22, 2018 - 10:05pm
The Burghal Hidage,
Couldn't you have had Suckerberg abase himself just a tiny bit more? He got off easy compared to Pencilneck.
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 22, 2018 - 10:10pm
Remember that General back in 'nam who said " we had to destroy the town to save it ", or words to that effect? Ol' Markie Boy is employing a similar strategy. He's giving up his ass to save his ass. Or trying to anyway...
Pardero Added Mar 22, 2018 - 11:08pm
It was pleasant to see Zuckerberg grovel. Probably the last time. I suppose that it was triage that stopped the bleeding. Damn, what a good time for a competitor to bust a move.
I'd have told them all to bugger off. As long as I had enough left to raise rare chickens and pheasants. Maybe build a burh or two.
Mustafa Kemal Added Mar 23, 2018 - 2:26am
Burghal, shadenfreude is fine, I suffer from it regularly,
but dont you think this is just a flesh wound?
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 3:28am
ah yes, joy at the misfortune of others. Leave it to the Germans to concoct a single word to express the sentiment. Two world wars, the wide world of water sports and that.  Good thing they build good cars, otherwise the karma ledger would be sorely imbalanced against them. < Attn: Jeff Jackson... sarcasm? We retort, you decide.
A flesh wound? Perhaps, but it may reveal some other, much deeper injury. 
opher goodwin Added Mar 23, 2018 - 6:48am
Is anybody ever really ready to be regulated? Isn't that something to be endured?
Mustafa Kemal Added Mar 23, 2018 - 11:54am
Burghal, re:"A flesh wound? Perhaps, but it may reveal some other, much deeper injury. "
You may be on to something
Would be nice
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 12:41pm
Interesting article. I remember why I dont go on ZH.....pop-up and ad city. Oh the irony.....
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 12:42pm
Zuckerberg will fall on his sword and it will usher in the type of "regulation" they are experiencing in Germany. Putin stole their model, why not here too?
mark henry smith Added Mar 23, 2018 - 1:22pm
Ah Burghal, sweet.
Is pleasure the same as joy? I always thought schadenfreude was taking pleasure in another's suffering. Joy requires a little more actual display. I really don't think Zuckerberg is suffering the way Nix is. I think Zuckerberg understands the law and that ignorance is something that the public can wrap its ignorant minds around.
Hey, if Reagan, in dementia, can say, I didn't know, and have that be a legal argument, it's there for all of us.
Only one criticism. I think Gazette should have black hair, white skin, and be read all over. But I engrossed, waiting for the text scene.     
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 1:36pm
Are you implying that Gazette should be a Goth in a Blender? Hmm....I see some merchandising possibilities here!
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 1:37pm
Actually that is what she looks like through the Bell & Howell HD lenses
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 1:42pm
Pleasure: Seeing a Hillary campaign bus go over a cliff
Joy: The knowledge that every seat was full
Ian Thorpe Added Mar 23, 2018 - 5:23pm
Tell Msrk to write his name inside his shoes, because when an old brass like Gazette has finished with the little faygele there will be nothing else left to give us an idea of what happened. :-)
Mustafa Kemal Added Mar 23, 2018 - 5:30pm
Burghal, Adblocker Pro ABP works fine for me, as does the Brave browser.
What is it called when you get to see the looks on their faces?
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 5:31pm
LOL! Bugger off indeed!
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 23, 2018 - 5:32pm
That deserves a glass of poison friend! ooo! and its a fresh bottle! Cheers!
mark henry smith Added Mar 24, 2018 - 1:09pm
Love the blender idea, and Goth is great, those girls don't expect much stimulating conversation with the rack. All of our news is churned through a blender for easy digestion. It might not seem that way to the average reader, but the economic disparities, and privilege of class are never discussed as causes in the US press.
It's not Meet the Press. It's Press the Meat.  
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 24, 2018 - 1:23pm
Exactly Marko!  You are describing what I referenced recently in another piece: the transformation from the American who sits upon the hot plate, being cooked alive and unaware, to the parade of wide eyed kittens, willingly marching into the waiting embrace of the the 7500 rpm blender
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 24, 2018 - 1:28pm
just one the there, sorry. My apologies to Matt Johnson and the alternative act formerly known as the definitive article, The The :)
oh what a perfect day
to think about myself
my feet are firmly screwed to the floor
what is there to fear from such a regular world?
....and cue the marimbas!
Pardero Added Mar 24, 2018 - 5:22pm
The Burghal Hidage,
I liked their softer and poppier sound when Brix was in there. For the life of me, I can't remember  the famous cover song they did. Maybe it was a Kinks song.
Pardero Added Mar 24, 2018 - 5:25pm
Maybe I am thinking of The Fall. Gonna check.
Pardero Added Mar 24, 2018 - 5:27pm
Oops. I confuse the bands. Sorry.
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 24, 2018 - 5:49pm
You are indeed thinking of the Fall, vehicle of the late, great Mark E. Smith, may he rest (as he did in life) in inebriation.  The song you're trying to recall is their cover of the Kinks Victoria.  That period with Brix in the band was their closest approach to being accessible to a broader audience. They had Mark E. so cleaned up in the video for Hit the North that mothers even said, "Oh now there's a nice young man" 
Of course all they had to do was wait for him to open his mouth, but that was part of his charm  :)
Pardero Added Mar 24, 2018 - 7:09pm
The Burghal Hidage,
In the minute chance that I become rich, I will purchase a self-sufficiency farm near yours. My roosters and guinea hens will not be too much of a bother, I hope. 
Pardero Added Mar 24, 2018 - 7:16pm
The Burghal Hidage,
I am listening to a country-rock Don't Think Twice It's Alright by Mike Ness. Crummy voice but does it justice. 
mark henry smith Added Mar 26, 2018 - 1:10pm
Oh no, not another Mark Smith. I'm having all of these problems job hunting because of my pedestrian walkway name. So many sites have told me, sorry, that name is already occupied, please pick another. What the fuck? That's my name. I can't just pick one out of thin air, can I?
And then there's all the psych tests. If you had a crazed gunman enter the store and he was asking to speak to the manager, would you, A: point to the manager's office. B: pretend not to speak English. C: say, I'm the manager, how can I help you? Of course, I chose C. 
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 26, 2018 - 1:31pm
LOL nearly choking.......That's why we call you Marko, man!
The Burghal Hidage Added Mar 26, 2018 - 1:34pm
Of course there was also D, which you obviously were unaware. Option D is where you answer in heavily accented English ( I like to use a little Mumbai ) and say " Oh good! You are here for job!"
mark henry smith Added Mar 27, 2018 - 1:09pm
Oh, man, that's excellent. Come to my office, bring the gun. Like your attitude. We want people with initiative.

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