Mary Had a Little Lamb – A Modern PC Interpretation

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Recently I was speaking with someone and I mentioned, only half-jokingly, that if I wrote “Mary Had A Little Lamb,” I would be viciously attacked from all sides of PC thuggery within milliseconds. I can almost hear it:


“Oh, Mary? It had to be a woman, huh? Sexist pig!”


“Was Mary’s original name Douglas? Homophobic pig!”


“Oh, you couldn’t have picked a brown, yellow, or black lamb, could you? Racist pig!”


“When Mary goes to school, are you going to make her pay for her own lamb care, in addition to tuition, aren’t you? Conservative pig!”


“Are you going to try to get the lamb to pledge allegiance to the flag? Fascist pig!”


Modern political correctness is destroying our society, right down to the nursery rhymes. I thought I’d take a PC-like crack at the first couple of lines of this oldie-but-goodie:


Mary had a little lamb,

Mary culturally-expropriated a vertically-challenged ruminant from its native society,


His fleece was white as snow,

His criminally luxurious coat and cleanliness the signs of white male privilege, the sole reason he was bred and raised,


And everywhere that Mary went,

The lamb, conditioned by centuries of white male oppressive tendencies, was determined to prevent Mary from having a happy and productive life of her own,


The lamb was sure to go.

The lamb, being a male, was stalking Mary, and was waiting for the right moment to verbally abuse and sexually assault her.


I’ll let someone else do the rest, if they want to, lol!


Pardero Added Mar 27, 2018 - 9:59pm
When I was in my late teens, a bunch of us guys went to a seedy theater to watch an X-rated version of Alice In Wonderland. It wasn't long before there was grumbling. Not much going on. As for myself, I was certain that it was building into something nasty. I sensed some sexual innuendo that was cleverly concealed. Even I gave up at midpoint, however.  The theater eventually refunded the ticket price because they were sent the wrong movie.
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Mar 27, 2018 - 10:12pm
Pardero, wasn't that one a musical? I'll have to re-visit that one some day, as I enjoy occasional porn parodies, lol! I remember one porn actor who remarked about the lack of "acting" ability in porn films:
"It's not easy doing Shakespeare when you're fucking a chick in her ass up a tree."
Pardero Added Mar 27, 2018 - 10:16pm
LOL. Not a musical. Just a terrible version that had no merit whatsover. We did catch Wizards at that theatre at a later time.
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Mar 27, 2018 - 10:24pm
As depraved as I am, I wouldn't want to see a porn parody of "Mary Had a Little Lamb", lol.
Pardero Added Mar 27, 2018 - 10:33pm
Michael B.
We agree on that! One of these days, I will buy some Bullwinkle cartoons. I just loved Fractured Fairy Tales.
Stone-Eater Added Mar 28, 2018 - 7:08am
Let's bury that crap.
Stone-Eater Added Mar 28, 2018 - 7:10am
BTW: Here in Switzerland we're very slow to adopt that PC shit. Most people just say: Huh ? I talk and write as I'm used to since n decades, and I'm not gonna change that. For n years talk was CLEAR and DIRECT, and we're gonna keep it that way.
Leroy Added Mar 28, 2018 - 12:02pm
I'm sure some pervert would suggest that the little lamb was a euphemism for a sexual aid.
Pardero Added Mar 28, 2018 - 12:11pm
You know, your mama teaches you that you must be polite and say 'retard' not dummy or idiot or cretin. Retard is polite and proper. Now people tell me it is an insult. Did some retards complain or what?
Then she says never ever say the 'n' word like your father does. The proper word is 'Negro.' 
If people don't like Mama's words, they can eat magical bio deposit and die.
Shane Laing Added Mar 28, 2018 - 3:11pm
I watched a movie called "animal farm" Certainly not what I expected from George Orwell. Had to leave couldn't cope with a guy trying to have sex with a chicken.
Now I'm a big fan of Al Pacino. Saw a new film with him staring and thought I should watch it. Thought it was a road/car movie.  Cruising was not what I expected. lol 
Jeffry Gilbert Added Mar 28, 2018 - 4:10pm
Fuck Mary and her pussy hat! I'll have lamb chops. 
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Mar 29, 2018 - 12:44am
Gawd! So much for the puff piece! Forget it then!
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Mar 29, 2018 - 12:48am
"The Wild West of the Internet"? Sounds like you need to issue a sticker recall, lol. Bye bye!
Autumn Cote Added Mar 29, 2018 - 12:56am
What you makes you think you're so special that you can violate the rules?  
Pardero Added Mar 29, 2018 - 1:15am
Michael B.
I was funning you with my dumb comment. Lack of sleep makes me silly. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat when I wrote that. 
Should have put a sarc tag on it.
I was just goofing around, like you were one of the guys at work.