Low Point of My Life

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Yesterday evening marked the low point of my life.  I have often mocked these people.  Now I am one of them.  At the insistence of my wife, we went to an adult coloring class at the local public library.  The library provided the coloring pencils and images to color.  Some of the attendants--millennials, to be exact--were more professional and brought their own coloring set.   I was amazed at how seriously they took this endeavor.  It was mostly older people with nothing better to do.

 

To help us with our concentration, we were served snacks and drinks.

 

For my selection, I chose a British-flagged ship decked out with cannons and being tossed about on a rough sea.  When I have time, I will post my artwork.  My wife chose a mermaid.  When it comes to opinions, I generally come out on the losing end when it comes to my four-year-old.  In this case, he preferred ships to mermaids, so my artwork was deemed to be the best.  He did not participate in the coloring activities.  Mercifully, the organizer provided him with distractions.

 

Yes.  I have become one of them--a brain-dead zombie (or zambian, as my wife calls them, or namian as my son calls them).  I can't say that I enjoyed it.  I would have rathered stayed at home and cut the grass, washed the laundry, or committed suicide.  I surely hope this was the ninth level of hell.  I don't think I could survive another level.  My wife enjoyed it and wants to do it again.  Help me!

 

Update:  Here is my artwork.  You are welcomed to criticize.  I suck as an artist.  It would actually make me feel better.  If you think it is good, then you are a good judge of bad art.

 

Comments

Jeff Jackson Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:03am
Leroy, I find behaving as if you are paranoid schizophrenic helps. Claim that you are hearing voices, that all of the people are conspiring to kill you, and you cannot leave your home because of the danger. Of course, you will have to line the walls with aluminum foil to hold back the deadly radio signals. You will be more convincing if you neglect your personal hygiene, which will also make your wife embarrassed to take you anywhere, thus solving the problem. When they're away, you can get cleaned up and enjoy the simple domestic life of watching reruns of "Mad Men."
Dino Manalis Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:07am
 Congratulations!  Enjoy!
EXPAT Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:19am
Was the drink served, Hot Chocolate? Was that a University Library?
Aluminum foil hats, anyone?
 
Next time you can go to a end ICE rally. I bet you see the same people there!
EXPAT Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:22am
P.S. Did you see opher Goodwin there?
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:43am
Good advice, Jeff!  Not sure it would work.  She still takes our son along.  He lacks subtlety.   Twice in one week, he was scolded by the librarian, including last night after we exited the coloring room.  He was running around.  The first time, he learned how to bounce Lego pieces over a model castle on a table.  The librarian took issue with the flying Lego pieces.  I pretended he wasn't with me.
 
"Congratulations!  Enjoy!"
 
Thanks, Dino.  I prefer suicide.
 
"Was the drink served, Hot Chocolate? Was that a University Library?
Aluminum foil hats, anyone?"
 
Hot chocolate was one of the options, Expat, believe it or not.  There was hot water and instant coffee and tea (no Starbucks).  Bottled water was available along with a variety of powdered mixes in packets.  Actually, it was a branch public library in a quaint little town about twenty minutes away.
 
"P.S. Did you see opher Goodwin there?"
 
I did think about Opher when I was there.  I miscolored the Union Jack.
Mustafa Kemal Added Jun 29, 2018 - 9:03am
Leroy, just curious, what IS an adult coloring class? Is that for people who didnt pass it before?
 
Anyway, you found no one there that sent signals that they were feeling the same as you? 
opher goodwin Added Jun 29, 2018 - 10:15am
Never mind - it will help prepare you for old age.
Even A Broken Clock Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:00am
Leroy, hope you remembered your blanket for the ninth circle. It's awfully cold down there. Thanks for the smile.
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:03am
Mustafa, if I'm not mistaking, it is a millennial invention to help them cope with the pressures of life.  The biggest difference from when I failed coloring as a child is that we used colored pencils rather than crayons.  
 
No, everyone else seemed to be content to be there.  There were some husband and wife teams.  I didn't ask if the male partner was dragged there against his will.
Bill H. Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:08am
 
Good work, Leroy!
I have gone to a few of those over the years at a local artist hangout, but the drinks were beer and wine, or if one chose to partake, some pot out in the parking lot.
I always looked forward to going, and the crowd was great.
Thomas Sutrina Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:12am
Leroy a great drawing.  
TexasLynn Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:15am
Leroy >> Yesterday evening marked the low point of my life.  I have often mocked these people.
 
Today marks a low point in my life.  A man I thought had it all together, a man I respected, admitted to a gross failure in judgment and testicular fortitude.  Worse, the trauma seems to have seized the part of his brain that would have allowed him to turn hell into a semi-enjoyable experience.
 
Leroy!?  You couldn't have tripped on some stairs or something and broken an arm before the event?  Once there, you couldn't have used the event to mock and belittle the participants?  Did you have enough notice to consume a lot of gas inducing food/drink before the event?  I'm at a loss.  The possibilities were endless; even the ones where you could feign innocence.
 
Leroy >> To help us with our concentration, we were served snacks and drinks.
 
I envisioned the drinks to have been juice boxes.  I would expect the snacks to be healthy and picayune (definitely not donuts).
 
Leroy >> Here is my artwork.  You are welcomed to criticize.
 
Not bad... I think you could do a lot better though... IF you had your "own coloring set".  Just a suggestion for next time.
 
Someday, I too may suffer such a calamity... and if/when that day comes... NOBODY will ever read about it.
 
But... thank you for this opportunity to (tongue in cheek) mock the great Leroy.  
 
:)
Mustafa Kemal Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:28am
Leroy, now that I see you coloring, it seems it wasnt a complete waste of time. It is rather good. 
wsucram15 Added Jun 29, 2018 - 11:30am
Hey..let me ask you a question and maybe its just a guy thing and I dont get it but you seem lucky.
You have a wife and kid who want to do stuff with you and took you with them to color.
As your kid gets older..if he EVER invites you to do anything, run do not walk to do what ever it is Leroy, it goes by so fast.
The next time you talk about this it will be a class with your Grand kids.  Be happy for what you have and that you colored that ship, save all three pictures you guys did that day.  I can see it meant something to you.  You wrote about it.
 Good article, very cool.
Dave Volek Added Jun 29, 2018 - 12:09pm
You had me. For a second I thought you became a liberal!
 
I guess you're not that crazy after all.
 
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 1:30pm
"Never mind - it will help prepare you for old age. "
 
Opher, one would think.  I would rather spend my time doing something useful.  You seem to do that.  My wife wants to do it again.  I guess it's a millennial thing.
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 1:44pm
Leroy
 
Cool. Very good. I can't even draw a tree.
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 1:48pm
BTW: No reason to put your talent down. I may be not be the best guitarist there is, but I'm a lot better than anyone who doesn't play guitar LOL
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 1:51pm
"Leroy, hope you remembered your blanket for the ninth circle. It's awfully cold down there. Thanks for the smile."
 
Clock, if I brought a smile to one person, then it was worth it.  I always thought it was warm down there.  Guess I will find out soon.
 
"I have gone to a few of those over the years at a local artist hangout, but the drinks were beer and wine, or if one chose to partake, some pot out in the parking lot."
 
Thanks, Bill H.  A good IPA would make it more palatable.  It's just not my thing, but I have to admit that it isn't as bad as I made it out to be.
 
Thanks, Thomas and Mustafa.  You're both a good judge of bad art...lol.
 
Lynn, I'm at a loss for words.  If I were coming along today in grammar school, I would have been diagnosed with dysgraphia.  I almost rolled on the floor in laughter when my sister told me it was a serious disorder.  If I had only been born later, I could have declared a disability (something like 30% of millennials claim a disability).
 
I expected Starbucks coffee, but I suppose Starbucks is not longer in the good graces of our more enlightened friends.  I was looking forward to my Green Tea Crappucino.
 
Only by admitting our failures can we triumph over them. 
 
"You had me. For a second I thought you became a liberal!"
 
 
I am a Classical Liberal, Dave.
   
"I guess you're not that crazy after all."
 
I am not sure I would take that bet, Dave ...lol
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:01pm
Wsu, you are right.  I am a lucky guy to be with my family.  When one door shuts, another opens.  This door allows me to spend time with family. 
 
I do color with my son in private (sorry to disappoint, Lynn).  My son, however, was not allowed to color at this event.  He had a good time playing with the educational toys the organizer brought him.
 
Good advice, WSU.  The lyrics from the song "Cat's in the Cradle" come to mind:
 
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me.
 
 
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:02pm
Thanks, Stoney!  I didn't actually draw anything.  I just colored.
TexasLynn Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:09pm
Leroy >> I do color with my son in private (sorry to disappoint, Lynn). 
 
Not at all... the disappointment was not with coloring; but rather coloring with other adults.  Coloring with kids is never a waste of time (quite the contrary); especially your own. :)
opher goodwin Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:12pm
Leroy - a couple of guys downstairs from me in the sixties used to get a big bottle of tabs of speed, a pile of children's colouring books and a bunch of felt-tips. Then they'd spend three days without sleep dropping speed and colouring in. They loved it but by the end they looked like shit.
I am sure that you could turn your hand to something more creative than colouring in. Take your wife to an interesting adult ed class that is more creative or interesting. There must be something that appeals to you both. My advice is  - don't waste your time - do something worthwhile. You have the talent - use it. How about a creative writing course?
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:21pm
Leroy
 
Doesn't matter. coloring needs a sense for colors :-) I don't have that. But each to his own talents ! Keep on.
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:24pm
BTW: The funny thing is I can do Photoshop works quite well. But I usually just take 2 or three pics of the same size and melt them together (see that avatar). But when it comes to take a pencil in my hand - no way. My handwriting is barely readable, and when I would need to color something I would slip to a 100% and fuck up the thing :-)
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:30pm
Oph
 
Writing a book is no easy. It's easy to write a song that lasts 3-5 minutes and record it, but writing a BOOK ? I've tried it once (in German of course), but I lost track after about 30 pages. I guess one needs to draw a flow chart to be able to not lose the story. What do you think ? I guess Ric or Dave could also have ideas....
opher goodwin Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:35pm
Stone - I've written books in many different ways. One way is to set out a structure chapter by chapter.
Pardero Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:38pm
Leroy,
This is a charming anecdote, and quite a surprise coming from you.
 
After accepting your fate, I see that you made a great effort to do high quality work.
 
Here's a technical question, the kind that occurs to truck drivers after only 4 hours of sleep:
 
Did you debate whether to color the sky blue? 
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 2:50pm
Oph
 
I don't think I'd have the brains for that. Remember that one of my best friends is Mr. Alzheimer LOL
Jeff Michka Added Jun 29, 2018 - 3:05pm
Alas, poor Leroy, how will he resurrect his rightist creds.  "Adult coloring?"  Hmmm.  Did you color inside the  lines, Leroy?  I'll have to give you some paragraphs in format as a memorial to your stanch rightism. 
Jeff Michka Added Jun 29, 2018 - 3:07pm
Wow, my wife and I decided to dance as a "couple" activity.  I don't think coloring as an activity ever came up.  LOL  Aren't you afraid Trump will say "people coloring are enemies of the people."
Stone-Eater Added Jun 29, 2018 - 3:30pm
Jeff
 
Sorry, That's inappropriate. Why do you bring politics into it ? We should be happy when people write articles that are NOT politically oriented but are stories of life. 
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:00pm
"I am sure that you could turn your hand to something more creative than colouring in. Take your wife to an interesting adult ed class that is more creative or interesting. There must be something that appeals to you both. My advice is  - don't waste your time - do something worthwhile. You have the talent - use it. How about a creative writing course?"
 
Opher, how all this got started was that my wife saw the Coloring Cafe class on the list and wanted to take our son there.  She showed it to me right before we left.  I told her it was for adults, but she didn't believe me.  She just couldn't get it through her head that American adults would do something like that.  She had to see it to believe it.
 
Despite being an artistic zero, I do have one claim to fame.  After drinking too many beers, a classmate and I painted a chariot.  We won first prize in the chariot painting competition.  The true artist was the one who drew the design on the chariot.  I just painted between the lines.
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:07pm
"BTW: The funny thing is I can do Photoshop works quite well. But I usually just take 2 or three pics of the same size and melt them together (see that avatar). But when it comes to take a pencil in my hand - no way. My handwriting is barely readable, and when I would need to color something I would slip to a 100% and fuck up the thing :-) "
 
I don't do Photoshop, but I use similar software.  My artistic skills aren't great, but I can make some ridiculous photos.  I just do it for laughs.  My handwriting is horrible and gets worse w ith age.  The computer is my hands.
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:15pm
"After accepting your fate, I see that you made a great effort to do high quality work."
 
Pardero, that's pretty much my philosophy.  No use complaining about the work.  I might not appreciate the work assigned to me, but I go at it with everything I have.
 
"Here's a technical question, the kind that occurs to truck drivers after only 4 hours of sleep:
 
Did you debate whether to color the sky blue?"
 
I don't know if you can tell from the photo, but I indeed colored the sky blue.  I didn't debate over.  However, I did debate to color of the ocean.  The facilitator commented that I chose not to color the ocean blue.  It is green with a touch of blue.  I have never seen a blue ocean.  Speaking of water, my son is jumping on my head wanting to play water.  Got to go.
James E. Unekis Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:23pm
Leroy,
You could have gotten out of it by simply drawing some of the cannons firing.  You might of been escorted out by a man with a gun and club but it could have saved the evening.
 
Good post, enjoyed your humor.
Jeff Michka Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:26pm
Oh, gee...politics is coloring...and sorry if my comment didn't jive with what I was "supposed" to say, which I did before mentioning any politics.    This "How dare you mention politics" outrage is patently absurd, but that shouldn't stop you from expressing your outrage.  
opher goodwin Added Jun 29, 2018 - 5:57pm
Leroy - that puts it in context.
Jeff Michka Added Jun 29, 2018 - 7:20pm
Hey, Leroy.  Try taking your wife dancing, like a tango you both need to be enthusiastic about, and if you do, there are some "extra benfits," including synching wife you wife on the dance floor, and the "fun" after the dance.  Also a time set aside for you both "without the kids," which any parent needs a bit of.
 
Learning to tango was a real experience for both my wife and I.   There are tango clubs all over the US, and am sure there a few near you.
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 7:59pm
"Leroy,
You could have gotten out of it by simply drawing some of the cannons firing.  You might of been escorted out by a man with a gun and club but it could have saved the evening."
 
Thanks, James.  I'll keep that in mind for the next time.  It might help if I drew in some controversial figures.
Leroy Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:10pm
Holy cow, Michka!  Paragraphs!
 
"Hey, Leroy.  Try taking your wife dancing, like a tango you both need to be enthusiastic about, and if you do, there are some "extra benfits," including synching wife you wife on the dance floor, and the "fun" after the dance.  Also a time set aside for you both "without the kids," which any parent needs a bit of."
 
Good suggestions, Jeff.  The time "without the kids" is sorely missing.  Chinese wives can be a little obsessive.  She won't let him stay with anyone other than family.  He sleeps in our bed.  Almost no time alone.
 
Shagging is the big thing in these parts.
 
EXPAT Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:47pm
On the serious side Leroy. Doing things your wife likes to do, but not your like, is an act of love. A couple that makes sacrifices for each other are committed to a life together.
Enjoy growing old together, but get the kid under control. A library must be a sanctuary for civil behavior.
EXPAT Added Jun 29, 2018 - 8:55pm
Back to humor, Leroy.
If you can't get the kid under control, go to Chucky Cheese, where the other urchins are screaming and running around. They provide coloring sheets also!
I don't understand people who think other adults should put up with their brat. I have seen many who expect the waitress to baby sit while they enjoy themselves. I once told a young couple that if they wanted to raise animals, they should bring a cage.
Jeff Michka Added Jun 29, 2018 - 9:50pm
I told you I'd do something to help you through this trauma....so, just "Paragraphs for you."-from The Paragraph Nazi, "no paragraphs for you." LOL BTW, post dance shagging ain't anything to turn down, but the no kids time is vital...for both of you.  Oddly ol EXPAT hit the target...doing things your wife enjoys or wants is part of the good side in the relationship....getting that "richer" is worth putting effort in to,  Just Sayin'.
Flying Junior Added Jun 30, 2018 - 3:03am
My experience was more in line with what Lynn recommended.
 
It was a Valentine's Day card craft activity at my local branch.  I decided it would be fun to make Mrs. Junior a home-made card for Valentine's Day.  I'm not sure why.  It just seemed really cool.  I guess I didn't shop for a card early enough.
 
The female librarians welcomed me.  I took a seat at the table amongst the other children between the ages of four and eight.  I received a heavy construction paper card and made my selections from the available paper, scissors, glue, pens and glitter.  A handful of parents stood around the perimeters of the room encouraging their kids.
 
Nobody made any fuss about a grown man sitting down to a children's craft with kids that were born fifty years later than I was.
 
Surreal.  But copacetic.
 
Only in California.  My wife loved the card.
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 7:04am
"On the serious side Leroy. Doing things your wife likes to do, but not your like, is an act of love. A couple that makes sacrifices for each other are committed to a life together."
 
Thanks for your words of wisdom, Expat.  It's not always easy.  It's not always reciprocal.

"Enjoy growing old together, but get the kid under control. A library must be a sanctuary for civil behavior."
 
Well, Expat, I look at it as my revenge for all the years I had to endure obnoxious kids in restaurants and airplanes.  Funny thing is that I don't mind them anymore.  
 
Seriously, it is a cultural thing.  My son was raised by his grandparents for the almost four years.  Their philosophy is that a child should be 100% feel from all worry and pressures and allowed to do whatever he wants until he starts school.  Once he starts school, he will live under someone else's rule for the rest of his life.  Let him enjoy the first few years of freedom.  The school will teach him discipline.  Therein lies the problem.  It's the exact opposite of how I was raised.  Discipline started early.  You were expected to have discipline by the time you started school.  When he was less than a year old, he liked to bite fingers.  It's not uncommon. My wife's family thought it was funny and cute.  I warned my wife and her family if he wasn't disciplined, it would be a problem in the future.  All they had to do at that point was give a firm "No" to reinforce that it wasn't acceptable behavior.  Sure enough, he began biting the fool out of you to get his way when he was older.  I cured him of the habit, but not before he sent his grandmother to the hospital, several times in fact.  As a side note, she insisted that the doctor do something because her pain wouldn't go away.  I kid you not; the doctor gave her rabies shots.  They spoiled him rotten, giving into his demands and buying him new toys two or three times a day.  I'm slowly winning the battle.
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 7:05am
Thanks for the encouragement, Jeff, and the paragraphs!
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 7:18am
Sounds like a labor of love, FJ.  You are more of a man than I.  I thought about doing something similar, but my wife would have thought I was too cheap to buy her a card.  I wanted our son to make a card for her on Valentine's day for the first year together as a family. I figured that I couldn't get cooperation from our son, so I bought a card and let him decorate it.
 
My wife was feeling like a failure as a mother and a little depressed.  I tried to convince her that it was normal to have doubts and the best we can do is the best we can do and that she was doing a fine job.  She lamented that she wished there was some proof to my words.   I had some blank certificates laying around.  I made one up entitled "World's Best Mom" along with my sworn testimony.  I sealed it with a gold foiled star and my signature and then framed it.  It's interesting how such a simple gesture can lift someone's spirits.
Luther Wu Added Jun 30, 2018 - 8:38am
listening to: Stormtroopers of Death - "Pussy Whipped"
 
 
 
jk
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 12:50pm
That's about it, Luther.  I can think of worst things to be whipped by.
Luther Wu Added Jun 30, 2018 - 2:12pm
All in good fun, Leroy. We should all be helpful to women and it's never too soon for the youngest guys to get started on a lifetime of helpfulness.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbVifPkbYsk
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 4:25pm
Thanks for the video link.  Got to admire their enthusiasm.  "Let us exam your breast."  Now that's a good Boy Scout.  Of course, the older women are excluded.  I wish that I could have been that enterprising.
 
I tell you.  The most disgusting thing I have had to do for my wife is to buy feminine products for her.   The first time, the more I protested, the more insistent she became that I do it.  Oh!  The humiliation.   I go to the corner store and I have to stand there among the other women to find just the right product.  I'm tempted to ask for a recommendation but chicken out. Then I go to pay for it.  It's a young woman.  She gives me this look.  It's worse than being embarrassed.  It's a look of admiration.  You can see in her eyes what she is thinking: "My husband would never do that."  She probably got the idea that Western men aren't embarrassed by such things.  And, just recently, I had to go to the local Bi-Lo.  After resistance, I thought, "Maybe it won't be so bad.  No one shops at Bi-Lo anymore and you can self-checkout."  So I stood there what seemed for hours selecting just the right product.  I go to auto-checkout.  Something goes wrong.  The female attendant has to come over and check things out.  So much for my plan.  The things I do for my wife.  Do you think I am a lesser man, Lynn?
Luther Wu Added Jun 30, 2018 - 5:25pm
Leroy,
That reminds me of a comedian, many years ago. He told about standing in line at the checkout and some joker in line, buying a Playboy, looked at the comic's load of feminine products he was buying for his wife, while smirking and rolling his eyes, etc. The comedian just said, "Oh, you've got a Playboy? I've got a woman".
 
Leroy Added Jun 30, 2018 - 5:38pm
Good one, Luther!  I might have to use that one.
Jeff Michka Added Jun 30, 2018 - 6:45pm
Good laugh there Luther...My wife and I are nearing 50 years together, and remember the first time  I bought feminine products for her, but there wasn't anyone with a Playboy in the check out line.  After doing that a couple of times, didn't care....
Kurt Bresler Added Jul 1, 2018 - 4:29am
If that is bad coloring, then don't ever expect me to go to a coloring class or share with anyone.
There now you have it, a slight compliment.
I will say that I find older people seem to fit into this Zombie kingdom quite easily.  As most real problems in life have become routine and the "nothing to worry about since we can't do anything about them anyway" kinda thinking become prevalent.
Have you ever considered running for Congress?  It certainly has to beat coloring even if you are good at it.
 
Leroy Added Jul 1, 2018 - 7:44am
Thanks, Kurt.  It is not the older crowd that troubles me.
 
"Have you ever considered running for Congress?  It certainly has to beat coloring even if you are good at it."
 
Being able to color between the lines certainly qualifies me.  But, no.  When you run for office, you find out who your real friends are. 
Doug Plumb Added Jul 1, 2018 - 8:28am
re "Leroy, I find behaving as if you are paranoid schizophrenic helps. Claim that you are hearing voices, that all of the people are conspiring to kill you, and you cannot leave your home because of the danger. Of course, you will have to line the walls with aluminum foil to hold back the deadly radio signals. You will be more convincing if you neglect your personal hygiene, which will also make your wife embarrassed to take you anywhere, thus solving the problem. When they're away, you can get cleaned up and enjoy the simple domestic life of watching reruns of "Mad Men."  "
 
This sounds like perfect advice. I wish I had thought of it.
 
As for your art...coloring isn't art. Art is an expression a truth. Most "art" you see is just garbage.
Doug Plumb Added Jul 1, 2018 - 8:32am
What is the big deal about buying feminine hygein products? As long as you never see them used, I say its OK. Seeing them used is like, as someone once put it, seeing your favorite restaurant in ruins.
Leroy Added Jul 1, 2018 - 9:39am
You're more a man that I am, Doug.  Now, if I asked my wife to buy condoms, she would refuse.  She would probably enjoy buy adult diapers for me, if the time ever came.  She would tell everyone to ensure they knew it wasn't for her...lol.
Doug Plumb Added Jul 1, 2018 - 2:31pm
I won't buy condoms. Women have bought them for us. I don't like people knowing anything about my sex life, unfortunately, I don't have one right now.
I have different views than most wrt sex. I think its private, and hate when women talk about their experiences with me to other women. Its a violation of my privacy, and I don't do it when I'm "sleeping with someone" with my guy friends, and I don't answer any kind of questions they may have.
Mark Hunter Added Jul 2, 2018 - 4:19am
"I was amazed at how seriously they took this endeavor."
But ... the whole point of adult coloring is to relax and not take it seriously!
Leroy Added Jul 2, 2018 - 7:23am
"But ... the whole point of adult coloring is to relax and not take it seriously!"
 
I'm not convinced of that, Mark.  The whole point seems to be--at least for the millennials--is to take your mind off life's struggles.  You know like, "When will they make me CEO?"
 
 
Stone-Eater Added Jul 2, 2018 - 8:21am
My wife is 49, we've been married for 22 years. And we don't use condoms. I NEVER used one, don't work somehow. But then......I love kids, and so does she. Nature is nature. If there's another one, no problem.
Leroy Added Jul 2, 2018 - 9:42am
I like to pick at the millennials' sense of entitlement, but I enjoy working with them.  They have changed the work/life balance in the workforce for the better.  My wife is a millennial.  
 
My niece has expressed her entitlement: "I was meant to be wealthy."  She finally got her GED.  She's on her way.  My nephew is waiting to be named CEO before returning to the workforce.  Other niece's and nephews followed their passion until they found it was too much work or are disillusioned now that they have graduated.  One went into sports.  He wanted to be an agent for millionaire athletes.  He sells insurance.  His brother overcame adversity and stupidity to achieve a practical degree in pharmacy.  He's the only one who has achieved his objective.
TexasLynn Added Jul 2, 2018 - 10:24am
Leroy >> Do you think I am a lesser man, Lynn? (for buying wife feminine products)
 
Nope... Doing things for your wife is wonderful; especially doing it even though it causes you discomfort.  That is key to making a successful marriage in my opinion.  So, I can see how agreeing to the coloring class falls into that category.
 
But, I'm disappointed that you didn't take advantage of the situation.  The best way I can describe it is, sometimes I see one of my dogs lazily lying about and I will say "Get up... there is a squirrel somewhere currently not being molested, not being barked at!"
 
You had all those millennial, snowflake, squirrels all around you... and I get the feeling you didn't bark once... I get the feeling you pretended to be a squirrel. :)  The shame... :)
Leroy Added Jul 2, 2018 - 11:15am
Lynn, it is a technique I use on my son all the time.  He gets wise to it after a while, so I continually change tactics.  My wife, on the other hand, will slap me upside the head.  A man's got to know his limitations.
Leroy Added Jul 2, 2018 - 10:25pm
It happened again today.  You would think I would be used to it by now.  It just started out as a bad day.  My son is an ornery old cuss if woken up.  I have to wake him up slowly.  I ran my finger across his lips and around his ears and nose.  That's the safest way to wake him up.  He usually springs up to the sitting up position and reflexively punches me in the gut...and that's on a good day. 
 
Later in the day, my wife decided that she wanted to eat out.  We're doing the medical tourism thing this week, so we don't have much of a choice.  It's also a bad idea with my son.  It was worse today.  He fell asleep on the way.  He wasn't a happy camper when I woke him up.  I didn't take the cautious approach this time.  He was determined to be a pain in the derriere.  We didn't ask for a table until he calmed down to a reasonable level vocalizations.
 
The waiter was very kindly towards him, which helped.  My wife suggested that we be seated by an aquarium with a single fish.  He brought him the standard four-crayon set and a picture to color--the waiter, that is, not the fish.  My wife took him--my son, not the fish--to the bathroom.  I couldn't resist myself.  I started coloring the picture.  It's contagious, I tell you.  He wasn't happy when he returned.
 
The fish helped calm him down.  He even knew his name.  My wife accused me of talking without moving my lips.  I denied the charge and she accepted it as truth.  My son brought his trusty squirt gun with him (no water inside).  He pointed it at the fish who said, "Fins up; don't shoot!"  He didn't know it wasn't loaded.
 
Shortly before our meals were delivered, my wife announces that it is her special time again and darts to the bathroom.  After the meal, we headed for the nearest Wally World.  Of course, she made me do it.  Who was I to refuse?  It was an easy choice between doing it and having my head bitten off.  It was a crappy Walmart and not too many people there.  The self-checkout worked like a charm.  My son only ran over one person driving the cart.  All turned out well.
Mark Hunter Added Jul 3, 2018 - 12:00am
I don't know, Leroy ... to me, taking your mind off life's struggles is awfully close to the same thing as having fun and not taking it so seriously. On the other hand, to some people having "fun" is something they take very seriously indeed, which I suppose would make it a struggle.  So in that case, having fun would be one of those struggles you need to take your mind off of!
To me that's a circular reasoning ... but what do I know? I have no desire to ever be CEO.
Spartacus Added Jul 3, 2018 - 12:05am
That is a pretty damn good drawing, Leroy.  
 
I think the backstory, which you guise with sarcasm is compelling.  A person could not draw this picture, as a family project, unless many things were going right in their life.  Not to mention, as you also did not do, you love this type of artwork. 
 
I couldn't draw that picture for a multitude of reasons . . .  first and foremost being that I have zero drawing talent.  Secondly, I do not have the patience.  
I taught myself to play the piano a number of years ago and nearly quit because I could barely get through those songs used to teach music to kids.  Lord . . . it was almost unbearable.  
Flying Junior Added Jul 3, 2018 - 3:41am
William,
 
It's coloring.
Spartacus Added Jul 3, 2018 - 4:20am
Like I said FJ, I have zero drawing talent.
Leroy Added Jul 3, 2018 - 9:10am
Thanks, William, but FJ is correct.  I didn't draw anything.  I have zero drawing talent as well.  It takes no talent to color a drawing.  Ok, maybe those that take it seriously develop some talent.  The only difference from when I was a kid is that I stay within the lines better.  And even that is debatable.
Spartacus Added Jul 3, 2018 - 11:20am
I didn't draw anything
Haha.  Joke's on me, Leroy.  
 
I visited the Louvre once. 
Michael B. Added Jul 3, 2018 - 10:33pm
Leroy, excellent work! It reminded me of the time I drew tall ships, but mine had guns blazing and Jolly Rogers flying, not to mention a crew of cutthroats making rude and obscene gestures! Then I "graduated" to building models of tanks, planes, and ships. They all had a remarkably similar fate, which invariably involved BB guns, black powder, and lighter fluid..."Oh my God! A direct hit to the magazine/fuel tank!!!!" WHOOOOOOSH!!!!
Flying Junior Added Jul 4, 2018 - 4:27am
When my grandsons were little, I did my best to revive my drawing skills.  Just five years ago, I went out of my my way to buy the pencils, watercolors and quality paper necessary for young minds to express themselves.  One of my sons honored me by becoming something of a cartoonist.  I remembered how hard it was to draw a horse just as it was so difficult when I was ten years old.  Like any other art, I did benefit from decades of life experience.  But no, I still can't draw a horse.  Now the kids are twelve and fourteen.
 
My best work was zoo animals.  I did a pen and ink of a tiger that would have made my mother proud.  The kids colored it in.  I still have it taped to the wall in the back room.  The realism astounds me to this day.  But my favorite was an impromptu crayon drawing of a bear, inspired by Spanky, the Kodiak Bear, at the San Diego Zoo.  I drew the rough outline no better than could a talented seven-year-old, but my son filled in all of the fur quite masterfully in brown crayon.  I consider it my only pictographic art of any note.
Leroy Added Jul 4, 2018 - 8:12am
Michael, I had friends like you...lol.  One friend and his brother would build model cars then stick a bag of gun power up front.  After that, he would fashion an Estes model rocket engine to the back.  It would scamper across the road and end in a BOOM!  I was less destructive, but those lizards I launched in rockets might disagree.
Leroy Added Jul 4, 2018 - 8:32am
FJ, I wish I had some sort of drawing skills.  My son carries on the tradition of bad art.  I fear that there is no hope for him.  Let's hope he can Photoshop well.
Mark Hunter Added Jul 4, 2018 - 9:29am
Michael, I'm glad I'm not the only one who used to blow up my ship models!
Ward Tipton Added Jul 4, 2018 - 10:01am
My wife would definitely get mad at me ... no way she would want me being out-performed by my five year old daughter. 
Leroy Added Jul 5, 2018 - 7:27am
"Michael, I'm glad I'm not the only one who used to blow up my ship models!"
 
Mark, I suspect that my son will be in good company...lol.
Leroy Added Jul 5, 2018 - 7:31am
"My wife would definitely get mad at me ... no way she would want me being out-performed by my five year old daughter."
 
My four-year-old son is already smarter than me.  I was at least six before I was smarter than my parents.
Ward Tipton Added Jul 5, 2018 - 9:42am
The hot cocoa would be nice though ... with a little bit of peppermint schnapps ... some whipped cream with dark chocolate flakes over top and a teaspoon or so of creme de minthe sprinkled over that. 
The Burghal Hidage Added Jul 6, 2018 - 9:26pm
So sorry to hear this tragic event Leroy. Really sorry you had to go through that. <sigh> what is this world coming to. 
Look at it this way friend: You'll be a better man for this. Jeff had some great suggestions. I would try telling them that I was Friedrich Nietzsche, the avant garde of the new Zen fascist movement in art. Probably get me  locked up :)
The Burghal Hidage Added Jul 6, 2018 - 9:28pm
I used to totally blow up ship models! I used to use crayons to color in my MAD magazines too
The Burghal Hidage Added Jul 6, 2018 - 9:31pm
Missed you too Doug Plumb. You always intrigue and amuse, and sometimes still puzzle :) Just be you man!
Leroy Added Jul 7, 2018 - 12:10pm
Hey, welcome back, TBH!  Thanks for the consolation.
 
I did make gunpowder as a teenager, but I didn't blow things up generally.  I would be in jail today if I did that as a teenager. 
 
But, after the NFL guys got tired of skating around on a vibrating board, I used to set them up in mud forts and shoot at them with my air rifle.  Sometimes I bombarded them with firecrackers.  Does that count?
Eric Reports Added Aug 26, 2018 - 1:26am
I thought coloring calmed people down.