My mother's obituary ... R.I.P.

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Sometimes it seems like nothing ever went quite right for my mother. It took her three marriages to find one that fit. She loved to work, but seldom stayed long where she was. Then, when she passed on, the timing went all wonky and as of when I'm writing this--four days later--we still don't know exactly when the service will be.

It's all bad timing and red tape. You see, instead of a viewing and funeral, followed by cremation (which I didn't know she wanted until after she died), the family decided on the cremation first followed by a service. The reasons boil down to bills and money, and that's something that never quite went right for my family, either. Maybe it's crass and not something people want to think about, but that's the way reality often is.

All I can tell you is that sometime toward the end of the week (turns out it's Friday at 11 a.m.) we're going to gather to say goodby at the Albion Wesleyan Church, at 800 E. Main Street in, as you might imagine, Albion. Mom wanted to have her ashes scattered at Piney Point, Tennessee, a place she and the family loved to go to on vacation every summer.

That's not as surprising as you might think, considering she was born about two hours away, in Fonde, right over the border in Kentucky. It's going home, and home is where she wanted to be. She especially hated hospitals and nursing homes, and that's where she was stuck, one or the other, for the last weeks of her life. She wanted to get out--go home--but as time went by she got weaker, and I realized she was never going to go home again. She would have been miserable, staying in a facility for any more time to speak of, fighting the effects of stroke, congestive heart failure, diabetes, and failing kidneys.

I think she let go. If that time comes for me, I hope I find the courage.

Linda Welch married Harry Taylor on the first day of spring, 1998.


Mom lived for family gatherings. Here she's second from right in a five generation photo, including her mother, a son, two granddaughters, and three grandchildren.


Spartacus Added Oct 4, 2018 - 5:22am
With compassion, I wish you the best in these times of your loss.  Losing my mother was a very deep and profound challenge for me.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 4, 2018 - 5:39am
Thanks, William. At a time when I was scheduled to work seven days a week for over three weeks (long story), I'm lucky to have a boss who also lost his mother, just a couple of months ago, and understands.
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Oct 4, 2018 - 7:24am
Mark, my most sincere condolences. I heard something somewhere that said something like, "As long as someone has family, they are never poor." I've pondered for some time now about relating the final months of my Mom, but I still can't get past a sentence or two before stopping. Your Mom was obviously a strong and independent woman - May She Rest in Peace. She did good, because she gave birth to a funny, witty, and thoughtful person in a world that seems to be getting increasingly short of them, and whom she was undoubtedly very proud of.
Koshersalaami Added Oct 4, 2018 - 8:12am
My sympathies. That’s the way it works. It’s good to write about her, more for yourself than for us. I know from a lot of experience. 
Dino Manalis Added Oct 4, 2018 - 8:37am
 I'm sorry to hear that, God Bless her and life to the rest of you to remember her.  Stay strong!
Leroy Added Oct 4, 2018 - 9:02am
I am so sorry for your loss.  Stay strong.
opher goodwin Added Oct 4, 2018 - 9:46am
Sorry for your loss Mark. Losing a mother is something that hits you hard. I went through that eight years ago. It's traumatic and leaves a hole in your life. All the best to you.
The Burghal Hidage Added Oct 4, 2018 - 10:06am
Sincere condolences for your loss Mark
John Minehan Added Oct 4, 2018 - 12:23pm
Sincere condolences.  
No matter what else happened in your mom's life, she raised a fine son, who in turn raised a fine family, something your mother obviously took pride in.
"Requiem aeternam dona ei, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat ei.  Requiescat in pace. Amen."  (Sorry for getting all Papist, but it's my tradition.  I respectfully ask your mom, your family and the Wesley Brothers kind indulgence.)  
Donna Added Oct 4, 2018 - 1:53pm
My condolences Mark. May mom R.I.P. 
Neil Lock Added Oct 4, 2018 - 2:05pm
Really well said, Mark. I think my father, when he died back in 1993, took the same attitude as your mother did: "I'm not myself any more, so I'll just let go."
Jeff Michka Added Oct 4, 2018 - 2:22pm
Sorry for your loss, Mark.  Deep breath and time does "heal". 
Tamara Wilhite Added Oct 4, 2018 - 3:21pm
Even A Broken Clock Added Oct 4, 2018 - 4:57pm
Mark, my condolences as well. I lost my mother less than 2 years ago, and it still hurts.
James Travil Added Oct 4, 2018 - 6:29pm
My sincere condolences Mark. I lost my mother when I was just 27, it's quite a life changing thing to go through. I wish you and your family the best in this difficult time. 
Mark Hunter Added Oct 4, 2018 - 7:18pm
Thanks, everyone, I really appreciate it. I'm violating my own vow to answer comments individually, for which I apologize, but things are kind of rough right now. Also, I've found that people on the grieving end often have as much trouble knowing what to say as those trying to comfort them ... but the comfort really does help.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 4, 2018 - 7:20pm
Oh, and John, although my mother was raised a southern Baptist, she was very much the non-denominational type, and wouldn't mind you getting all Papist at all.
wsucram15 Added Oct 4, 2018 - 7:46pm
Mark my BF just lost his mother Wednesday, it is a tough time. I send you and your family my deepest sympathies at this time. 
When I lost my mom,  it took a long time to hit me, I will never understand why.  I try to think she is watching me sometimes, it helps.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 4, 2018 - 8:04pm
Condolences to your BF. With me I rarely lose it in the initial stages, it's always later, so I know how that goes. I haven't really had my bad moments yet.
Tubularsock Added Oct 4, 2018 - 8:19pm
Mark, very sorry to hear of your loss. These times are never easy and I wish you and your family the best under the circumstances. Peace.
Eric Reports Added Oct 4, 2018 - 8:24pm
Death robs us all.  And it is waiting for all of us.
Jeff Michka Added Oct 4, 2018 - 9:34pm
Nobody gets outta here alive, but still sorry for Mark and family's loss. 
Jeffry Gilbert Added Oct 5, 2018 - 1:09am
Sorry for your loss Mark. 
Nobody's Sweetheart Added Oct 5, 2018 - 3:31am
@ Mark - "Also, I've found that people on the grieving end often have as much trouble knowing what to say as those trying to comfort them ..."
That's very true. I've also found that some people, while ostensibly comforting you, are actually trying to comfort themselves.
Stone-Eater Added Oct 5, 2018 - 11:10am
I was constantly drunk for 2 weeks before I realized that this won't change anything.
I was with her in hospital for 7 days, said good night,no answer. I checked her breath, nothing. Eyes and mouth open, closed her eyes but the mouth popped back constantly.
I left in a state of shock after calling the nurse. Took me a while to get over it since my father left when I was 14 and I kind of grew up with her only as the only child.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 5, 2018 - 2:34pm
Again, thanks, everyone. Just got back from the service/dinner—for some reason, there’s always a great feed put on after funerals, assuming you have your appetite. 
Loss is something we all know sooner or later, so it’s something that can bring us together.
John Minehan Added Oct 5, 2018 - 3:35pm
Having a big meal when someone passes is a grand tradition, common to a lot of cultures.
Everyone dies. 
But what you find, is that how people influenced you and what they taught you, lasts as long as you do.
You and your family are part of what your mom left the world; how she made it a better place.  As someone who enjoys what you post here, I owe your mom a "Thank You" as well as a "Good Job." 
Stone-Eater Added Oct 5, 2018 - 3:52pm
Nicely said.
Gregory S. McNeill Added Oct 5, 2018 - 7:20pm
Hi Mark,
I am sorry to hear about your mother. I know what you are going through because I had lost my mother 19 years ago. You will get through this difficult time and this is from personal experience. Stay strong.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 5, 2018 - 11:57pm
Thanks, John, and you're right.
As for staying strong, my wife told me tonight I've been doing that a bit too well--that I need to break down and have a good cry. My pattern has always been deal with the problem first, have my emotional breakdown later--could be any minute now.
Mircea Negres Added Oct 6, 2018 - 4:05am
My condolences, Mark. Sounds to me like she was a free spirit who had to search longer and harder for the time and place to fit. Here's a little poem I just wrote for you and your mom.
The sun shines, the rain pours
The world turns and life goes on
But one thing's for sure,
Those whom we love we often remember
To celebrate and to mourn.
Flying Junior Added Oct 6, 2018 - 4:26am
A Wesleyan church sounds like a good place.  I hope it was a beautiful remembrance.  I know that when my parents leave some day, I will be called upon to speak.  I'm going to be shedding tears.  It's just who I am.  But God willing when I step up to the mic to tell about the most wonderful parent a son ever had, it will be with humor and a light heart.  Blessings to your family.
Husband number three looks like a good guy with a really nice smile.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 6, 2018 - 5:07am
That's very nice, Mircea! Thank you.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 6, 2018 - 5:10am
It's a small church, Junior, which is the way it should be. I wasn't up to speaking, but others did. And husband number three is a really good guy who, unfortunately, is going through chemo at the moment. Husband number one--my father--also came to the service, even though they divorced some 45 years ago.
James E. Unekis Added Oct 7, 2018 - 1:48am
My sincere condolences Mark.  Your love for her was obvious in your writing.  Thanks for sharing that with us all.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 7, 2018 - 3:31am
Thanks very much, James.
Bill H. Added Oct 10, 2018 - 10:15pm
So sorry to hear about your mother. I lost mine 15 years ago and she would have turned 100 just two days ago, had she still been alive.
Mark Hunter Added Oct 10, 2018 - 11:54pm
Thanks, Bill. I'm sure losing mom isn't as hard on me as it is on her mom, who just turned 94.
wsucram15 Added Oct 11, 2018 - 6:41pm will hit you and then you will learn to deal with it somehow. My mother died in 2009 and I lost 4 other people that year including a sister.  It was a rough year and her death was the last one to hit me much later.
At the end of the day, the question will be did she live a great life?  If she did then it was life well served and she was most fortunate as are you to have known her and shared memories.
I believe in heaven so I know my mother is in a better place and no longer suffering, that she is with the rest of our family letting me know how stories, memories and family secrets should be passed on.  Im the eldest now...weird but true. 
Mark Hunter Added Oct 12, 2018 - 1:03am
Thanks, and you're absolutely right. I've dealt with a lot of death in my life, maybe more than the average person--but usually it's not been people very close to me. But this year seems to have been a very rough one for just about everyone I know.
My mom knew exactly where she was going, and it made her passing easier on her and on those around her--especially her mother, who's a person of great faith and still going strong, herself.

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