DRAFT: My Religion Is Best!

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Everyone's religion matters.

 

It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or Buddhist you are all equal under the eyes of The Great One.  If you "believe" in your chosen deity then that is your right and The Great One supports you in it.  I say this without reservation because, for example, The Great One sanction or approve any type of discrimination, forced conversion or holy wars.    

 

You can "believe" as you choose, but some of us lucky ones "KNOW" our deity actually exists because The Great One is the only religious deity that has every been scientifically observed.  That The Great One existences is a proven fact and can be accepted without the need of "faith".   

 

How can you then not acknowledge that a deity, who physically interacts in everyone's daily life, is not better than ones who have never been proven to exist?

 

Oh, of course, being better than other religions has cause a lot of hate to be directed at us by believers of second class religions, but we're are not scared because the fact that The Great One has bigger balls than any of the other "faith based" deities has been proven with hard science.

 

Sadly, the hate grows even stronger when as they learn more about our religion.  They get upset when we educate them about things like the fact that humans evolved from Pirates.  So-called “science experts” would have us believe humans evolved from primates, pointing towards the 99% shared DNA between humans and primates, but humans and Pirates share upwards of 99.999% of DNA.  Take THAT "2nd class religions!

 

It becomes even worse when we teach them the truth about the afterlife.  The have a very difficult time throwing off their made up  religious beliefs to accept that the afterlife contains things such as a Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.  More fools them; that just leaves more for the followers of The Great One.

 

The Great One doesn't require forced conversions, however, Evangelism is a traditional religious practice and spreading the Good Word of the Great One is encouraged.  Because The Great One is a factual deity, he is always available to meet his future followers and to participate in things such as parades or civic functions.

 

In fact, we are often assisted in our evangelism by members of 2nd class religions.

 

So, all hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

 

Join us and become a fellow Pirate-ical follower of The Great One! 

 

Forever be able to look down your nose at those other silly "believers" who live in fear of "going to hell" for acts and thoughts that we revere!  Reveille in the fact that, on a daily basis, our deity is immersed in boiling water to erase all of our sins and that you are always welcome to join the devout in Pastafarian Heaven.

 

Hail, FSM!  May your saucy balls remain plump and juicy and may the followers of 2nd class religions find enlightenment within the loving embrace of your Noodly Appendages!

 

Sincerely,

 

Liberal1

Your friendly Pastafarian minister

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