Yes, Kim, as it turns out you actually can get laid with a bad haircut

My Recent Posts

In all of the sound and fury of the recent midterm elections a chapter in US diplomatic history has been quickly and conveniently forgotten.  It is a story of which, although it may not yet be complete, we have been given a suitable foretaste. Much of this of course has been alternately sensationalized or underplayed, depending upon one's voice of choice, but the Singapore Summit marked a true milestone in 21st century geopolitics. Much was reported at the time, most of which was largely speculative in nature and little of it flattering to the president. This reporter, however, was able to (through extortion and intimidation) obtain a first hand insight into what actually transpired at the meeting. The following is an account of some of  those discussions. Other segments, for concerns of national security, have been redacted.....



Ah, Kim! So pleased to finally meet you! I've been a big admirer for a long time. How was your flight?


Mr. President Trump... I have been big admirer for you also! Flight was okay. Thank you again for jet fuel...


What, that? Bah! What's a few hundred gallons of jet fuel between friends, right? We're friends, right? Of course we're friends! Come on and sit here with me, Kim. We have a lot to talk about.


It was most generous gift, but uh....why you no come to North Korea? know, Kim, we weren't sure it would be safe for you. I mean you're just like me, you know? So beloved by your people and since you've been trash talking us for so long we thought maybe there would be some of your people - you know like maybe some of those generals - well....They might have been a little pissed off about me coming in there, you know, with the great big jet and all. Before I go you gotta come see Air Force 1, or....You know what? What the hell, right? Maybe we'll just take a ride somewhere. Yeah, but anyway, Kim, we figured for this first meeting -this is just the first you know - it would be better to make it a neutral site.


I see. Maybe, uh, next meeting I come to America?


Sure! That would be great, just great.  You can be my guest at Mar a Lago!


Not at white house?


Oh Kim! Just between me and you, okay...that place is a dump! Really, you'll like Florida much, much more. Nicer place, better weather, hotter babes. Really, Kim, that much I can tell you.


Oh....I, uh.....


What? What Kim? Did I say something to upset you? I'm always doing that, you know? Was it...


Oh! No Mr. President Trump! You say nothing bad, I just, uh...I like the nice place and nice weather is good and I like a hot babes! But I have a ugly haircut. Just one time I like a hot babe fuck me not because I am Glorious Leader of Peoples Republic. You big important man, you know what I mean, yes?


Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim....lemme tell you something, okay? I promise this is a secret just between us, okay? Because I like you Kim. I really, really like you. You're okay. You see this? Up here, on top of my head?


Yes. You have a big-big hair.


That's right Kim! And you know what else? Believe it or not Kim, there are actually some people who say that I, Donald J. Trump, have a bad haircut! Can you believe that? Me!? A bad haircut! It's all those fake news, Kim. Hell they're everywhere now! I found Jim Acosta in one of my wardrobe closets last week! That is one sick individual, that much I can tell you, okay?


Why you don't just a kill him? We have a no sick individuals in Peoples Republic.


Well you know Kim, as much as I would like to things just don't work that way in America. Besides, it's much more fun to just fuck with him all the time! See Kim instead of just one state controlled media we have a shit ton, okay? I mean media in America is yuge, okay? And they all like making money. Their ratings were all going down, down....I mean seriously, Kim. Like right down into the toilet, okay? And then I come along and shazam! I saved all their asses!


What mean the shazam? I don't hear this word before.


Oh right! You wouldn't know, would you? I'm sorry, Kim....shazam is an expression from an old comic book character called Captain Marvel. You ever read comic books Kim? I recommend the Washington Post. Really, really great comics over there, that much I can tell you.


Ohh-Kay? But what mean "shazam"?


Shazam! You know, it's like Eureka! Or Holy Shit!


Oh, Holy Shit, yes. I know this one. Ha-ha-ha! Mr. President Trump make a funny joke!


Ha-ha-ha! You like that one, did you? Oh geez, I got a million of them! Ha-ha-ha.....yeah, but seriously, Kim. Back to your hot babe problem. Sure, I get that. Look, Kim...when you're rich and you're famous? It's like catnip for pussy. You gotta learn to just roll with it. Do you honestly think they really give a shit what you look like? Come on, Kim! Have you seen my wife? And she's with me, Kim. Just think of that, huh? See you could be boning prime tail too. You're a young man, in your prime! Hell when I was your age I was getting more ass than a toilet seat, that much I can tell you!


I think I like the Mar a Lago! But how I get hot babes in Peoples Republic?


One word for you, Kim: hotels. Lots and lots of hotels, okay? And all we gotta do, Kim, is figure out what we're gonna do about all these nukes and missiles, okay? I mean if we can work that out then we're talking the Pyongyang Trump Towers, Kim. It'll fill up with Russian and Chinese oligarchs and they bring in harems of that hot east European tail.


We will work out plan to turn over all the weapons, but I still get to be supreme ruler of Peoples Republic.


Okay Kim, okay. But we gotta have all the stuff first, okay? I found out you're holding out on us and it might not be too pretty, you know? I mean it could be really bad. Or... lots and lots of pussy. The choice is yours.


So it work to make more money for all people and they make and spend more then I make more, right?


That is exactly how it will work, Kim. Trust me, I think I know what I'm talking about, okay?


Oh! Oh! When I come at the Mar a Lago Mr. President Trump, will there be any hot Mexican babes? I want to try Mexican!


Oh, better than that, Kim. We'll get you this nice Cuban girl I know, Carmen. Very, very nice girl. Really, really.....really great tits, you know? I mean those mamas are yuge! You'll like her Kim.


And you think my haircut okay then?


Your haircut is fine Kim. Really. That much I can tell you, okay?



opher goodwin Added Nov 30, 2018 - 6:13pm
Burger - aaah - a good fake fuck!! Or just a slice of hair pie?
Liberal1 Added Nov 30, 2018 - 6:16pm
"Fright was okay. Thank you again for jet fruel..." 
[as said in authentic Kim-rean dialect]
Ryan Messano Added Nov 30, 2018 - 6:17pm
Liberals and RINOS gonna libertine.
Shows Why 22 of you have your understanding darkened, and are like beasts.  What a sad state.
Liberal1 Added Nov 30, 2018 - 6:22pm
Ryan Messano, what are you referring to?  If it's the number "22" in my avatar that number represents dead veterans.  If you are attacking them then you and me are going to have some words, son.
The Burghal Hidage Added Nov 30, 2018 - 6:59pm
Ok came on my thread. I dont have to ignore you here. You are not welcome here, you bring nothing to the table. You are a pathetic prepubescent sissy boy. You need to go put some vaseline on those scabs that have formed on your little vienna sausage waiting for your one testicle to descend because your mother made you start wearing a clothespin on it right after she stopped changing your diapers in the fourth grade.  
Damn! This some good dope! Ill smoke some more and then Ill tell you what I really think about you Rev
Jeff Michka Added Nov 30, 2018 - 7:50pm
Don't spare ol Lyin Ryan...the only person on WB that keeps an "enemies list."  Hope all 22 names are logged into it.  Ryan should tell us what it's like to be fired out of a torpedo tube.  Who picked Ryan outta the water?  They deserve a nasty note.
James Travil Added Nov 30, 2018 - 7:58pm
Good story TBH, LOL! Thumbs up. 
The Burghal Hidage Added Nov 30, 2018 - 8:11pm
Glad you enjoyed. And to all thanks for reading and commenting.
Except you, Rev. You need to go shove an air compressor hose up your ass, swallow a bottle of powdered glass, let the pressure reach critical mass......and when you explode in jagged, putrid hunks of foul, rotting goo, the powdered glass halo will encircle you, marking the spot where you breathed your last, all from a hose shoved up your ass. And all Whos down in Whoville all cried. Boo.Fucking.Hoo :(
The Burghal Hidage Added Nov 30, 2018 - 8:24pm
Shazam! Look at that billowing cloud! We're into some of the really stinky weed now. Hope you ate your Wheaties Rev. Could be a long night for you.
Or, you could just go away, cos' I'm about to go all Mark E on ya.....
Leroy Added Nov 30, 2018 - 8:51pm
And I've lived all my life believing Gomer Pyle invented Shazam!
Liberal1 Added Nov 30, 2018 - 9:02pm
Gomer Pyle was sent straight to Shazam H.E. double hockey sticks! 
If the Rev ever discovers how he used to hang out with that Whore of Babylon (aka Peaches) he would be getting an earful!
A video that would make the Cowardly Ryan cry
Bill H. Added Nov 30, 2018 - 10:41pm
Good one, TBH!
So, Sooooooo Good!
Ryan Messano Added Nov 30, 2018 - 11:16pm
Whoops, ‘pears I stumbled on the Satan gang and
their gittin’ high ez kites, and usin’ awful adult soundin’ words, I’ll skedaddle out of this infernal gathering with no urging.
Stone-Eater Added Dec 1, 2018 - 2:47am
Superb :-) Das sorgte für herzliches Gelächter !
Mr. Vengeance Added Dec 1, 2018 - 3:28am
@ TBH - Very good...again! The faux gook-speak was masterful! Hopefully AC won't zap this one...again, lol.
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 1, 2018 - 8:32am
Hey Michael, you may know the answer to this. How can you tell when a Korean is jaundiced? Is that like an avacado, they turn brown? I really don’t know, but it is a fair question, isn’t it?
Mr. Vengeance Added Dec 1, 2018 - 8:44am
@ TBH - As far as I know, the correct answer to that question is...a banana, as in yellow on the outside, but white on the inside. These days, I'm as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market as far as ethnic and racial slurs go.
Steel Breeze Added Dec 1, 2018 - 9:12am
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 1, 2018 - 9:17am
So, Michael, you’re like a blind dyke sniffing pike?
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 1, 2018 - 9:19am
How do lesbians build a house? No studs, all tongue in groove :)
Jeff Michka Added Dec 1, 2018 - 1:15pm
Hmmm.  Really? 
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 1, 2018 - 2:59pm
Where ever one's sympathies lie politically this is a funny story. I don't mean my story, but the whole idea of it. Take the politics, the national identities away and what you have is a story of two guys with the fuck ugliest haircuts on the planet, sitting around and informally negotiating the disposition of weapons that could potentially kill millions of people. Ain't life grand?
Doug Plumb Added Dec 2, 2018 - 4:57am
Well done. Great metaphors, and I can imagine that a real conversation between the Donald and the Great Leader wouldn't be much different if in private.
Doug Plumb Added Dec 2, 2018 - 4:59am
I don't believe that either of these guys negotiate much of anything. I bet when the thinking starts they are sent to a room with coke and women and told not to come out until the next press conference and that they are both given a script.
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 2, 2018 - 5:09am
LOL....I don't think Trump does very well with scripts
Doug Plumb Added Dec 2, 2018 - 10:36am
Maybe someone spends ten minutes with Trump explaining what he should think then Trump gets up there and articulates it in his own words. His words don't indicate anything resembling deep thought.
Ward Tipton Added Dec 6, 2018 - 2:22am
There used to be a guy up off Route Nine that sold home made grape "wine" that was about a hundred and ninety proof ... every time I read your writing I swear you must know where he lives ... either that or there is a nice selection of cattle raised locally ... and no carrots in their feed ... dunno if you will understand the reference LOL
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2018 - 11:32am
In my best Bela Lugosi: I never :)
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 6, 2018 - 11:33am
But I do know a few ‘shiners
Ward Tipton Added Dec 6, 2018 - 12:48pm
His "wine" was at least 190 proof ... one shot and I was lit and never made it to the halfway point in the bottle ... he made some of the shiners shamed ... but loves some good corn whiskey from time to time too ... never more than once a day though ... which is okay if you start when you get up and don't stop til you go to bed. 

Recent Articles by Writers The Burghal Hidage follows.