A Christmas Story

My Recent Posts

By Colin Elk


At the winter solstice, on 21st December, Santa said to his reindeer: “Come on, let’s go!”


The Lead Reindeer said, “But you haven’t given us the password!”


“What password?”


“The one Mircosoft gave you.”


“Why do I need a bloody password?”


“Didn’t you hear about the Mogg-Ryan-Goodwin Act, passed back in July? It’s very clear. For security reasons, every leader of a reindeer troupe must supply a password before he and his reindeer can be allowed to fly.”


Santa looked up the reference, and found that it was indeed so. And the evening and the morning were the first day.


He had forgotten the password, so he e-mailed Mircosoft Support requesting a password change. He received an immediate automated response, and set about changing his password. But whatever combination he tried that he might afterwards remember, he got a message: “Your password is not sufficiently strong.”


And the evening and the morning were the second day.


Exasperated, Santa typed a long, random sequence of characters. And, lo and behold, they were accepted! “Now confirm your new password” came the message.


Try as he would, Santa couldn’t reproduce the sequence. So, he sent another e-mail to Mircosoft Support, asking to be allowed to change his password again. He received an immediate automated response, “Mircosoft Support is closed on Sundays. Please try again tomorrow.”


And the evening and the morning were the third day.


It was now Christmas Eve, and Santa was in danger of breaching his contract with the Great Galactic Gopher. For a small consideration, Santa had agreed to provide a diversion for Earthly children from what their elders were doing to them, by flying – in child-visible mode – around planet Earth with his reindeer on one day of the year, December 25th.


Santa considered his options and, having decided, set up a new Mircosoft account. Not having much creativity, he picked a username that was an anagram of his own: “Satan.” Everything went through smoothly, and he was authorized to take his reindeer up on the next day. And did so.


And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.


When the Great Galactic Gopher found out, he laughed uncontrollably for two days straight. He needed a day of rest after that.


The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 23, 2018 - 4:04pm
Leroy Added Dec 23, 2018 - 4:07pm
So that's how we ended up with seven days in a week.  Learn something new every day.
Elroy Yoler
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 23, 2018 - 4:11pm
I liked it Neil. I will be spending Christmas this year watching all of the off colour Christmas specials, like Robot Chicken's Santa super psychedelic pot brownie freak out Christmas Special. Then of course there's the Family Guy Merry Frickin' Christmas, thats a good one. South Park's Northwoods Critter Christmas (one the Rev would be sure to enjoy) and the oft maligned but brilliantly written Trip Tank Christmas special from season two with Roy the Janitor's Holiday Song. And of course lots of Christmas greenery. I'll be sure to share any thoughts from Matthau :)
FacePalm Added Dec 23, 2018 - 4:17pm
The fact that Mogg dislikes it makes me love it all the more!  Congrats on the success of the "Mogg-Ryan-Goodwin Act,"  a bloody hilarious send-up.
The Burghal Hidage Added Dec 23, 2018 - 5:25pm
Shark boy if we all stopped flushing our toilets you would starve, being the bottom feeder that you are. Not all shit floats
Dave Volek Added Dec 23, 2018 - 11:43pm
I think this is the start of a really great story. Keep playing with it.
Jim Stoner Added Dec 24, 2018 - 12:42am
Merry Christmas (or Saturnalia, as may apply) to all--my wish is that all will look up from their stupidphones and regard each other with love.  At least for one day--if not Dec. 25, then some other day. 
Neil Lock Added Dec 24, 2018 - 4:44am
My thanks to all who have shown appreciation of this tidbit. And particularly to Dave for his encouragement, and FacePalm for highlighting the nub of the issue.
Stephen Hunter Added Dec 24, 2018 - 1:16pm
Neil, I feel Santa's frustration. Used to happen to me all the time too! I'll bet he won't make that mistake again next year! 
Neil Lock Added Dec 24, 2018 - 1:55pm
Mogg Tsur has deleted his comment, that was the first on this thread. If I remember, it said simply: "Dri ... vel." Well, Moggy, I'm really glad that you do approve of my article after all :-)
FacePalm responded to Mogg's comment, and now, through no fault of his own, he appears silly because the comment he responded to is no longer there.
May I suggest to Autumn that if someone other than the thread author chooses to withdraw a comment, that comment should still be visible, but greyed out?
Neil Lock Added Dec 24, 2018 - 2:02pm
Stephen: Yes of course, by next year Santa will have taken note of the problem, and will have started writing down all his passwords in a little book. And when that book is stolen...
FacePalm Added Dec 24, 2018 - 2:30pm
Speaking of Santa, i just got a hilarious cartoon(or at least, it was to me):  Santa's sleigh was airborne, with his normal complement of the 8 tiny reindeer...with another out front, which was hitched up facing Santa.
The caption read, "Santa before Rudolf," because the "lead" reindeer had a flashlight stuck in his hindquarters, and it was saying "How embarrassing!"
Yes, i find Mogg's habit of deleting his own posts to be dishonest and disruptive, but that's his option, and he chooses to exercise it to the detriment of nearly every article he graces with his temporary presence.  Thanks for making note of it for posterity's sake.
Ward Tipton Added Dec 24, 2018 - 2:36pm
These are generally relatively secure passwords. How do you remember such a monstrous password? Pick an event in your life, or that of someone you know ... in this particular case, I got my very 1st kiss in the 2nd grade at Milford Elementary School with Connie Stevens
FacePalm Added Dec 24, 2018 - 3:29pm
Well, at least it was Connie and not Chuckie...
Ward Tipton Added Dec 24, 2018 - 3:59pm
Ach. Yuk yuk ptooie. 
opher goodwin Added Dec 25, 2018 - 5:15am
Merry Crimble Neil!!
Neil Lock Added Dec 25, 2018 - 10:17am
Opher: No, no crimble here, or even crumble. Just a fairly decent New Zealand Pinot Noir.
May all here, and elsewhere, have a happy Christmas, and a just (and so, for those who deserve it, prosperous) New Year!