One Sunday when I was a kid, instead of allowing the Church Bus to kidnap us in order for some psychotic asshole to scream at everybody that they're all going to burn in hell for an hour in exchange for candy (one really did that), we decided to take up the White Trash Man's offer to watch a DIRTY MOVIE!!!
The White Trash Man was among the most aptly-named people I've even encountered. He was a White Trash Man in every way imaginable, but was a very friendly and congenial one who actually had a wife that he didn't beat up. Him and his buddy, who was equally trashy but worked in the oilfields and was also incredulously married, ensured that the neighborhood kids enjoyed fun, illegal things in a good-hearted manner.
The White Trash Man had, not surprisingly in light of his occupation, by far the largest collection of weapons, drug paraphernalia, and pornography I've ever saw, and will probably ever see. Tons of guns, knives, clubs, etc. Tons of pipes, bongs, containers, etc. And TONS of porn, porn, porn, etc. Videos, films, books, magazines, individual photo sets, you name it.
Anyway, there we were, several of us gathered. The curtains were closed, the doors were locked, and the "play" button was pushed. The credits flashed...the movie was called Screwples, which was a parody of a Lindsay Wagner TV miniseries. Even then I knew I was a perv, because I immediately started to imagine what it would be like to fuck The Bionic Woman.
Anyway, I still remember being in a state of mild shock as I saw the various ins and outs going on. We started to give career advice to one of our friends present, who was abnormally well-endowed. Just when things started to get interesting (an orgy scene), one of the parents started to explore the 'hood, looking for one of her missing (and porn-watching) children. We all panicked and skedaddled. To this day, I have yet to finish watching Screwples. To this day, I'll take Porn over Church, any day. Don't listen to those phony evangelicals! Listen to...Jim Bakker!!!!